


Everywhere

by iwantthemtostay



Series: Wild Horses [4]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Teenage Pregnancy, prompts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-06-18 07:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15480891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwantthemtostay/pseuds/iwantthemtostay
Summary: Tessa doesn’t know when the turning point was, or how many there were, but she knows watching Scott with their daughter that she’s reached the place of no return. And when Scott raises his eyes to hers she knows he feels the same.Or, the AU AU





	1. A turning point

**Author's Note:**

> These are a collection of prompts that fit into the scenario that Tessa imagines in a flashback in Chapter Five of Wild Horses where they chose to parent Katie after Scott was around more during the pregnancy.
> 
> Thanks as always to do_not_confess for everything.
> 
> Title from the Fleetwood Mac song (the one Katie especially likes before she's born)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I'm craving some fluff could you write an au au (is that a thing? It is now xd) where when Tessa is pregnant with Katie we get some Tessa and Scott cuddling/feeling her kick. I know why it didn't happen it wild horses but still we can dream

Scott doesn’t wait for Kate to leave to get up so he can speak to Tessa alone. He knows that would be pointless, she’s barely spoken to him about anything other than adoption for the past few months. He waits until Kate leaves to get up so that he doesn’t have to face her alone, he’s afraid that she might finally let loose all her disappointment and anger. At least now he knows that she doesn’t actually want him dead seeing as she’d told him last night that she wasn’t letting him drive back to Ilderton, let alone Canton, in all that snow.

“You’ll be sleeping in Kevin and Casey’s room, not Tessa’s,” she’d said firmly, as if that was in any way likely.

Tessa had left the living room then and he didn’t see her the rest of the night. If he gets up now and is quick about it he might be able to leave without disturbing her, she probably needs her rest. Aren’t pregnant women tired all the time?

He must have timed things all wrong though because when he nears the kitchen he can hear her, except she doesn’t sound like herself, her voice is more sing-songy.

“What do we want for breakfast this morning, kiddo? I’m a little sick of yoghurt, aren’t you?”

She’s talking to the baby. Tessa is talking to their baby, calling her kiddo like he used to do with her. He steps into the room softly and she doesn’t notice him at first, she’s busy pouring out cereal and milk. Her hair is down and she’s dressed in this huge dressing gown and pyjamas. She looks happy.

“Good morning.” She startles when he speaks. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No, it’s fine. I just… I didn’t think you were still here.”

“Uh, there didn’t seem to be much point in going early. Everyone in Canton is away at Nationals anyway. It would just be me and my sandbag. I’ve been skating with…”

“I know,” she interrupts. “Tanith told me.” She shoves the cereal bowl towards him. “Do you want breakfast?”

He nods and waits as she pours out a new bowl before going to sit at the table. They eat and then clean their dishes in silence. He washes, she dries.

Tessa’s rubbing her stomach and it seems like she’s not even aware of what she’s doing, like it’s something so natural for her.

“Is… is the baby moving?” He’d wanted to ask her yesterday when she had her hands on her belly, but then Kate had come in and she’d put her hands away.

“Yes, she’s moving all the time now.” She sounds so fond and then her face changes, like she’s talking about something she shouldn’t be.

“Could I… could I…”

“You want to feel?!” Why is she so shocked?

“If, if you’re okay with that.”

He reaches his hands out slowly and Tessa places them down onto her thick pyjamas.

“It might be difficult to feel because of the muscles from skating, but your mom has been able to feel her for the last few weeks.”

They stand there waiting for maybe a minute. “She’s still moving?” Tessa nods, she even looks amused. “Has anyone else been successful in feeling her or does my mom have the magic touch?” he tries to joke.

“No one else ever asks,” she says simply, and his heart clenches. “Maybe… maybe if your hands were on my stomach directly?”

Scott can’t say anything because his mouth is so dry so he just nods and removes his hands. She edges up her top, and there it is. It’s not as big as he expected, but he couldn’t even guess the size what with how baggy her clothes were.

He puts his hands on her bare skin and she shivers. “Are you okay?”

Her head is down and she’s whispering so it’s hard to understand what she’s saying, “Yeah… your hands are cold.”

He knows for a fact they’re not because he’s practically burning up. He’s not even thinking about the baby right now because he’s finally touching Tessa again, not an accidental graze of fingers as they hand each other files, but actual touching, his whole hands spread out over her soft, creamy skin. And maybe the baby is offended that she’s not the first thought in his mind right now because that’s when she makes herself known.

She kicks, and he can feel it vibrate through him deep into his marrow.

“Oh my God, it’s amazing. She’s amazing.”

Tessa jerks her head up to look at him. “Yes, it is. She is.” Her eyes are filled with tears, but her voice is so happy. He wants her to be happy all the time.

“She’s so strong, like she could do anything. And you’re so strong, Tess.” He puts his forehead against hers. “You’re incredible.”

She gasps a little and then kisses him, soft and gentle, like maybe she’s not entirely sure she should be doing this. His mind is shocked but his body just reacts. He holds her tighter, which is a little more awkward now what with their baby in between them, but they make it work as he deepens the kiss. Tessa starts tugging at his hair and he runs his fingers through hers, it’s so long now, like a waterfall at her back.

“I’ve missed you so much, Tessa. I’ve been going out of my mind. I’m so, so sorry.” He leaves kisses all over her face.

“It’s not your fault. It’s okay, you’re here now, we’re here now.”

She kisses him again, and there’s nothing soft or gentle about this one. It’s the way she used to kiss him right before… He moves his leg in between hers, she grinds down and it sends shockwaves all through his body.

All of a sudden, she backs away. “I’m so sorry, you… probably don’t want…” She waves her arms up and down her body.

“You? Of course I want you.”

Her eyes widen. “Like- like this?”

“Yeah,” he drops his gaze to the ground, “I think about it all the time.”

“I think about it all the time too,” she whispers.

He pulls her to him and kisses her with maybe more intensity than he’s ever kissed her before, as if he’s trying to show her everything he wants. She melts into him, as much as she can.

“Shit, what about condoms?”

She laughs, and it’s incredible to hear it again. “I think it’s much too late for that.”

He’s so stupid. He’s just joined in with her laughter when her face falls.

“Unless… Oh. If you’ve been with someone else…”

Fuck. He takes her face in his hands. He has to make her understand. “No, Tessa. It’s only you, you’re the only one I want. I think… I think you’re the only one I’ll ever want.”

“Scott,” she’s crying now, “you can’t say that.”

“Why not?” he asks, so stubborn about this. “Why not when it’s true?”

“I don’t deserve it. I messed up everything. Junior Worlds, the Olympics…”

“You messed it up? I got you pregnant! I… I’m so scared that I… that I ruined…”

“No, no, you didn’t.” She takes his hands from his face and puts them back on her stomach. Their baby is kicking. Tessa’s voice is so quiet, “I love her, Scott. I know we can’t… but I love her.”

“I love her, too.” He stops himself from telling her that he dreams that maybe they could.

“You do?” There’s a note of wonder to the question.

“Of course I do. I think about her all the time, how she’s going to be just like you – brave, and smart, and kind, and beautiful.”

“I want her to be just like you. I want her to have your eyes, and your smile.” She’s still crying, but laughing too.

“I love you so much, Tessa.”

“I love you, too. I wish you were here with me all the time.”

“I’m going to be here more,” he vows. “We don’t need to rush anything…”

She laughs, “My mom is coming back you know.”

“Yeah, but after work, right? We have all day.”

Tessa leads him over to the couch in the living room, and instead of sitting on opposite ends they nestle together. They talk, and kiss (maybe mainly kiss), until they hear a car pull up about an hour later.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe she’s checking up on us.” Scott can.

He expects Tessa to move away from him when they hear the door unlock, but she doesn’t. When Kate walks in she just says, “Hi, Mom,” as if this all perfectly normal.

“You’re still here, Scott.” Her tone is clipped, but she doesn’t sound mad at least.

“Yeah- yes, I am.”

“He might stay a few days seeing as Marina and Igor are at U.S. Nationals,” Tessa says, as calm as anything.

Kate looks at them, and she’s not angry at all, she just looks so very worried. “If… if you think that’s what’s best for you…” she lets the sentence hang.

Tessa doesn’t say anything, just rests her head on his shoulder, and holds him closer.


	2. April 2014

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: i want to GET REKT. are you willing to share any more from the katie cheers for vm in the vancouver stands AU?

_**April 2014** _

Scott doesn’t know what he’s doing in this bar. Katie is staying over at a friend’s for a sleepover and anyone in their right mind would be at home with Tessa. Except he doesn’t know what to say to his wife.

Tessa seems to have all these plans. They’ll tour for the summer, staying based in Michigan until Katie finishes her year at school before they move back home. She’s going to make more appearances for the charity she’s involved in that supports young mothers. She’s talking about going to school on a more full-time basis, attending classes rather than just taking credits online like she’s been doing for the past few years.

Tessa has all these plans, and Scott has none. All he knows is that he will follow her. He could coach, but that’s a commitment he doesn’t feel quite ready for. He couldn’t tell teams he was going to work with them and then leave after a year or two if he and Tessa decide to return to competition. That idea feels very far away.

Scott mightn’t have plans, but he does have regrets. He regrets the last season, that he hadn’t listened to Tessa last summer when she told him that Marina was too close to USFSA, too close to Meryl and Charlie. Maybe he even should have listened to Katie when she asked “Why don’t you go to Igor’s new rink?” after that coaching split. He and Tessa had just smiled at that because Igor had always been Katie’s favourite, kind and patient with her any time she was at the rink, but maybe she’d been on to something, that maybe Igor was the trustworthy one. He was meant to take care of his family, and he’d let them down. Their lives could have been so different if they’d won. Sometimes he thinks silver shouldn’t be as disappointing as it feels, it’s a step up from the Vancouver bronze after all. But, fuck, he’s watched those skates so many times and he cannot understand why he and Tessa aren’t Olympic champions. He can’t see an on-ice reason anyway.

He nods his thanks when the bartender hands him another scotch. His drinking isn’t a problem, he’s doing it more, sure, but still not often, and never when Katie might see. He never got to go out and get drunk, to have those wild teenage years or early twenties. He was a dad while all his friends were going out and having fun. He’s not out with his friends now though, he’s drinking alone in a seedy dive bar.

He should be home with _Tessa_. He should be kissing her, his hands in her hair. They should be in their bed, or anywhere in the house, for once not having to be quiet.

He pays his tab, leaving a generous tip, and asks the bartender to call him a taxi. He’s just realised that his phone is dead.

He thinks he might have had a little more to drink that he thought because he stumbles a bit on the pathway up to their house and unlocking the door proves a surprisingly tricky task.

Tessa is there in the hallway when he finally gets the door open, her hands on her hips. “Did you drive home?” She’s whispering but it’s sharp somehow.

“No, I got a taxi. I wanted to get home to my wife.” He reaches his arms out to her waist and she steps back. He’s been waiting for that.

“Well, your wife was worried sick because you wouldn’t answer your phone! I didn’t know what had happened, or what you were doing.” She’s still whispering, he can’t figure out why.

“I’m just blowing off steam.” He knows that this isn’t the case, and he knows that this answer will annoy her. He thinks that maybe he wants it to, wants to see her lose control.

But she’s not annoyed, or angry, she’s upset. She tears up, “No, you’re not just blowing off steam. We need…”

“Daddy?”

No. He looks up the stairs quickly and then back at Tessa.

“Katie missed us and wanted to come home,” she tells him, trying to be cheerful.

“Hi sweetheart.” How did he let this happen? He can’t have her see him like this, he can’t, he can’t.

Tessa reaches out and rubs her hand up and down his arm. “Your dad isn’t feeling well, honey. He’s going to go get some water and eat some crackers. Why don’t you read me the next chapter of the _Chamber of Secrets_? I miss reading with you now you can do it all on your own.”

He drinks the water and eats the crackers, all the while thinking about how he’s messing everything up, letting them down worse than anything he did or didn’t do the past few years. He waits for Tessa to come down but she doesn’t, so he goes up to check. When he peeks in Katie’s door they’re both asleep, Katie clinging on to Tessa like she did when she was little. They used to call her Katie the koala. He turns off the main light and the nightlight, the one Katie says she doesn’t need but hasn’t asked them to take away, gives off its steady glow.

He goes downstairs and sleeps on the couch.

In the morning he wakes up to Tessa draping a blanket over him. When she notices that he’s awake she tells him to brush his teeth and take some Tylenol.

She’s wrapped in the blanket when he joins her again and she puts it over his shoulders as he sits down beside her.

He doesn’t know where to start, but Tessa does. “I love you more than I can begin to explain… but there’s only one other person I feel like that about, and you upset her last night. I can’t let that happen, I won’t.”

“Tess, I would never have… if I’d known….”

She cups his face with her hand and strokes her thumb across his cheek. “I know, you would never do anything that might hurt her. But…” her breath hitches like she’s trying not to cry, “doesn’t the fact that you feel so awful about her seeing you like that make you think that… this isn’t what’s best for you?”

“Yes. It’s not best for me, or for us.” She puts her head down on his chest. “I feel… lost. You have all these plans for what to do next, and I don’t, and- and I don’t want to hold you back.”

“You couldn’t.” She holds him tighter. “I couldn’t do any of it without you, I wouldn’t want to.” She kisses him above his heart, and maybe Katie is right about her kisses making things better. “I’m only making all these plans because then I can feel like I’m doing something. I’m so… worried. About everything. About moving Katie back to Canada when she loves her school here, about what to do next, about…”

“About me.”

She’s quiet for a few seconds. “I don’t think you have a problem. I think, like you said, you’re a little lost. I feel like that too. I just… I think you should maybe take a step back and think about in case… it does become a problem. When you didn’t pick up last night… I was so scared.”

“I’m so, so sorry.”

“I know, I know you are. It wasn’t just that something could have happened… God, it’s so stupid. I know that I’m not being rational? I know it’s just me being insecure?”

He rubs her back. “You can tell me, Tess. I know I haven’t been doing the best job of communicating lately, but….”

“Yeah… Me either. It’s… you were being distant, and you got all that attention at the Olympics and after, you know, female attention? And I know you would never, I know that. But…” He can hear her twisting her rings. “I kept thinking that maybe you’d want to do something but you wouldn’t… all those other women are probably fun and adventurous and don’t ask you to pick up groceries for them, or to clean vomit from car seats. And I know you told me before we got engaged that you were sure, and you’ve never done anything to make me doubt that… but, I think a part of me will always be that fifteen year old who couldn’t believe that you liked me back.”

It had taken him a few tries to get Tessa to say yes, and the idea that she was somehow trapping him into a life with her was perhaps the biggest stumbling block.

“Tess, can you look at me?” She raises her face up. “Do you remember when you got so mad when Meryl said something about how you were missing out only sleeping with one person?” Tessa looks like she’s about to rant about it again and he kisses her forehead. It probably hadn’t been the best reaction, but he’d been so happy when she came home seething about that. “You told her why would you want to when you’d found the perfect person for you. How could I ever want anyone else when I’m with you?”

Tessa closes her eyes and rests her forehead on his. “I love you.”

“I love you so much.”

She pushes him gently so that his back is against the couch. “Show me.”

“Yeah?”

She kisses him and he’s just put his hand under her top when they hear something fall upstairs.

They both get up immediately.

“It might just be the books beside her bed, I left the door open.” Tessa’s hearing is supersonic when it comes to Katie.

“I’ll go see. I need to talk to her about last night anyway.”

Tessa squeezes one of his hands with both her own and he heads up.

Katie is organising the books on her bedside table when he goes in so Tessa must have been right about the source of the noise.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

She smiles, but it’s not quite as big as normal. He sits down beside her on her bed.

“Are you feeling better today?”

“Yeah, a lot better. I’m sorry about last night.”

She’s looking down at her socks, the ones with little cat ears. “You were loud when you got home. And Mommy was sad.”

Katie is definitely upset if she’s using Mommy again (and Daddy last night he thinks), she’s been so careful to say Mom and Dad for the last few months, determined to be grown up now.

“I was just talking to Mommy about it.” He puts his arm around her and she puts her two arms around his chest, clicking in around him. “You know the way we tell you that it’s okay to feel sad, and that you should let us know if that’s how you’re feeling?” She nods. “Well, I haven’t been doing a good job at that myself. I’ve been sad about not winning at the Olympics.”

“You did your best. You always say that’s all you can do.” They have the absolute best kid.

“You’re right, thank you for reminding me. Sometimes it can be hard though, knowing that you tried your best and still not winning.”

“Is it my fault?” she whispers.

“What?” He pulls her up onto his lap. “Why would it be your fault, sweetie? Did someone say that?”

“No,” she puts her arms around his neck, “but… Meryl and Charlie don’t have kids so they could just think about skating. You and Mom are always busy looking after me too. And you took those days off when I was sick.”

Katie had a really nasty case of bronchitis right after he and Tessa got back from Paris. They’d both been so worried, and guilty they hadn’t been there to pick up on it before she got so sick. Tessa had got into a fight with her mom over it because she’d been the one staying with Katie.

“Katie, no. It’s not your fault. I don’t know why your mom and I didn’t win, but it could never be your fault. You make us better, you’re the reason we work so hard to be our best.”

“I am?”

“Of course. We want to make you proud, and show you that you can achieve your dreams.” And maybe show up everyone who’d scoffed at two teenage ice dancers with a baby.

She’s quiet now, thinking it all over. “Okay.”

“And even if we had never won any medals, that would have been okay too. All I need in life is you and your mom.”

“You need other things too, like food and water.”

He laughs, tilting his head back so he can see her. “Food, eh? Does someone want breakfast?”

Katie nods.

“Chocolate chip pancakes?”

Her face lights up and he stands up and twirls her around.

“I’m getting too big!”

“Too big?! Your mom is bigger and I still lift her.” She giggles. “You know I’d never drop you, right?”

She screws up her face like she’s disgusted and she’s such a mini-Tessa like this. “Don’t be silly. Of course you wouldn’t.”

He carries her downstairs and deposits her beside Tessa on the couch, who wraps her into a hug.

“Dad is going to make chocolate chip pancakes for us!”

“Chocolate chip? Aren’t we lucky to have your dad to make our favourite?” Tessa smiles at him over Katie’s head.

“The luckiest.”

He throws his arms around them and starts covering their faces with kisses until Katie squirms away and says that she would like the pancakes now, _please_.

Scott mightn’t know where he’s going, but he knows who he has with him on the journey.


	3. Vancouver 2010

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She’d have cheered them on in the stands in Vancouver because they would have worked so hard to be their best for her, to show her that she could do anything she wanted.”

They did it. They really did it. 

Tessa is feeling about a million things at once, so many emotions that they daze her. The crowd is deafening, and it’s her and Scott they’re shouting for, even if it’s bronze and not the gold they wanted for them. Tessa doesn’t think that was on the cards no matter how well they skated, and they skated so, so well. Marina and Igor are looking around a little wistfully, maybe thinking of what might have been. Scott keeps jumping and lifting her up and twirling her around. He’s looking at her like he wants to kiss her and she has to remind him with her eyes that they don’t want video of them making out beamed across the globe. There have been so many stories about them competing as young parents and she thinks that live action footage of them all over each other might detract from the responsible, mature image they’ve been working for. So they make do with kisses to each other’s cheeks, and to her hair. She’s forgiven him for tricking her about the scores, even if she had threatened not go to through with the wedding right after he told her they had in fact scored enough for a place on the podium. It’s not like he believed her anyway.

She sees her the minute they go back into the arena to wait for the medal ceremony. Katie is in Alma’s arms, pointing at something and chattering away. It’s then that the enormity of this moment hits Tessa. All the long hours of training, and the time spent away from her at competitions - they have something truly great to show for that now. Even if Katie mightn’t understand the magnitude of an Olympic medal now, she will someday. They make their way over to the stands and Scott hugs her tight before he starts clambering up. Tessa thinks about asking him to stop but she can’t blame him, they haven’t seen her since the day before the compulsory dance and their time with her had been limited with all the intense training prior to the Games. Marina seemed to consider their daughter a distraction. 

Katie starts clapping her hands the second she sees him coming closer and when he reaches the barrier she throws her arms around him. Scott’s brothers reach out to hold him so he can put an arm around her back. Tessa can’t make out what they’re saying to each other because of all the noise around but she can tell how excited their daughter is. Katie spots her quickly and reaches out her arms. She blows lots of kisses up to her as she doesn’t think she can manage to make her way up there. Scott looks down like he’s trying to figure out if can make his way down with Katie in his arms but quickly decides against it. Igor appears at her side and after a quick nod from her puts his hands on her waist and lifts her up. Scott and Danny lower Katie down into her arms and Tessa is finally holding her girl again.

She barely notices Igor putting her back on solid ground or Scott climbing down. All she’s taking in is Katie clinging so tight and murmuring “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!”, and the comforting smell of that L’Oreal Kids shampoo (as always when she’s at a competition the last thing she did before leaving her room was smell the bottle she kept with her when they travelled. It calmed her every time). It feels like they could be anywhere with Katie in her arms and Scott smiling at them, the three of them in their own little world. 

“Mommy, you and Daddy are the best!” She’s so excited that Tessa wonders if it’s all atmosphere or if her uncles have been sneaking her candy again. 

“Oh, thank you, lovey. We missed you so much when we were away.”

“Missed you too.” Tessa kisses her forehead, and then both her cheeks and she giggles.

Katie runs her hand over the silvery straps to Tessa’s dress and down the bodice. “Such a pretty dress. So much glitter!” 

Tessa laughs, “You love glitter, don’t you?” They’d made that discovery when Jordan had thought it would be a wonderful idea to help Katie make a homemade card for Scott’s birthday. The idea had been a very sweet one, but her sister hadn’t taken into account just how much mess a three and a half year old could make with a few tubes of tiny sparkly things and a gluestick. She looks up at the stands again and waves at Jordan and her mom, who are standing right behind the Moirs. 

Scott wraps his arms around them and whispers into her ear, “We won, Tess. Maybe not gold, but we won.” 

She looks around and sees that Tanith and Ben have not so subtly stepped in front of them, pulling Domnina and Shabalin and Natalia Linichuk with them, blocking them from the sight of the nearest TV camera. Tanith winks and Tessa grins back at her before leaning up to kiss Scott. 

“We did,” she agrees, “we showed them all.” 

She kisses the top of Katie’s head and her daughter pipes up in her best question voice, “Do I get a medal too?”

Scott laughs, and she says, “No, honey, but you can wear mine and Daddy’s after we get them. Is that okay?” 

Katie considers this proposal before nodding. 

A volunteer comes over and asks them to get in line for the ceremony after congratulating them.

Tessa looks around and Marina and Igor are already making their way over. Marina takes Katie out of her arms and starts fussing over her, lavishing attention like she’ll do for about ten minutes before handing her over to Igor who will patiently talk to her for as long as Katie likes. 

They give their daughter quick hugs before heading over to the boards again, this time preparing to go out onto the ice to receive their medals, not to compete. Scott’s hand is tight and so familiar in hers, just like it always is. Right before their names are called they turn back to look at Katie, blowing her kisses before they step out on the ice. 

The crowd erupts and Tessa takes it all in. It feels golden, and the next time they compete on Olympic ice she wants medals to match that sound. 

It won’t happen the next time they’re on Olympic ice, but it will the time after that, and when Tessa looks up at the stands in PyeongChang and sees Katie decked in Canada gear standing between her grandmothers crying happy tears she’ll think that it was worth it all for this.


	4. it's not a test, nor a trick of the mind (only love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU AU prompt: where vm tell their parents they're keeping katie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the Snow Patrol song 'Just Say Yes' 
> 
> A thousand thank yous to peacefulboo for all her help with this, and to toomucherin for her medical assistance as well, I'm sorry that I used my 'I like it better this way for the narrative!' card on you both.

_**February 2006** _

It’s her mom of all people who brings up parenting.

Tessa should maybe have realised that she was planning on talking to her about something when she’d told Scott he couldn’t stay over even though that’s what he’d been doing when he came up to the cottage ever since that snowstorm last month. This time there was even a reason for him to stay seeing as he was the only one going with her to the OB appointment tomorrow because of her mom’s work meeting.

“He can come get you in the morning,” her mom had said. “I’m sure Alma would love to have you home, Scott.”

Tessa spent five minutes making out with him at the door and as soon as he started his car her mom called her into the living room.

She sits down beside her on the couch and tries to get comfortable.

“How did you feel the meeting with Vera went?”

“… We told you it was good?” It was all they had talked about at dinner when her mom came home from work.

“Tessa, are you not getting worried about not having chosen a family by now?”

Had she been listening to them at all? “We told Vera we were feeling stressed that we hadn’t found any we liked as much as the one we picked before Christmas and that’s why she said maybe we should stop going over the files for a while and focus on the birth plan. We spent all afternoon on it.” And if the main reason they’d done it this afternoon was because Tessa’s back was too sore to do anything else, well, her mom doesn’t need to know. “Vera says that some people don’t even make a firm decision until after the baby is born.”

Her mom widens her eyes at her. “We both know that is not how you like to do things. You’re a planner. Don’t you think it would make everything so much easier if the two of you made a choice?”

“We’re not just going to pick any set of parents! They need to be the right ones.” And none of the ones they’ve read about recently have been. When she’d read about that couple who worked in finance and loved to travel, she had this feeling, like these were the people she could picture raising the baby. She thinks being told they had already been paired with another child would have been disappointing, but the fact that they had to wait a full weekend before finding that out was almost cruel. For that weekend it had seemed like maybe there was a clear path in front of her.

“Of course I’m not suggesting you just pick any of them. I want what’s best for the baby, too.” Tessa gives her a sideways glance, her mom rarely refers to the baby as a baby. She softens her voice, “Tessa, do you think there might be a reason behind the differences in what you’ve been doing since you and Scott… got close again?”

No thanks to her. She hopes her mom isn’t complaining about those differences, Tessa being more organised and taking control of things must be making life a lot easier for her. She doesn’t have to get Tessa’s vitamins ready in the morning because she does it herself at night, she doesn’t have to ask as many questions at the doctor’s appointments because Tessa asks them first, and she doesn’t have to tidy as much or take care of the succulents because Tessa’s doing all that. And moving into the guest room was something she should have done from the start, it was silly to think her old room would be comforting, the bed was too small and it was so far away from the bathroom. The guest room is right beside it which cuts down on a lot of night-time waddling. Kevin and Casey’s room where Scott sleeps also being beside the guest room is just a fringe benefit.

Tessa tries to fluff up the cushion behind her. “I don’t know what you mean.” She puts her hands on her bump and thinks that’s another difference too, she doesn’t stop herself from touching it around her mom anymore now.

Her mom closes her eyes for a minute, and then, very calmly, asks, “Do you want to keep this baby?”

“Parent, you should say parent,” Tessa says immediately. Had no one else read the leaflet about positive adoption language?

“Tessa.” She’s looking at her like she’s being obtuse, as if Tessa doesn’t know she’s focusing on this four-letter word so she doesn’t have to take in what the sentence means. “Do you want to parent this baby?”

No one has asked her that before. Sometimes she thinks Scott might be thinking about it, that maybe ever since that first day he felt her move he’s been dreaming about the same things she has – not holding their baby just for an hour in a hospital, but holding her as she grows up. Getting to watch her take her first steps, and hear her first words, to be the ones there for her first day of school. She can’t bring herself to ask him though, not even when his head is down at her stomach talking to the baby and the love he has for her, for them both, is almost something physical in the room with them.

She starts to cry, and it’s the first time she’s cried in front of her mom since she told her she couldn’t have the abortion, that she wanted to choose adoption instead. “Of course I _want_ to, but- but what if that’s not the right thing for her? It’s not about me, or, or Scott… it’s about the baby.”

Her mom wraps her arms around her and Tessa doesn’t want to sink in for a second, doesn’t want this hug when she’s been needing it for months, but she can’t help it. She needs her mom.

“When I found out, all I could think was that I wasn’t ready, and what if that’s a sign?”

“That was months ago, Tessa, you were so overwhelmed.” Her mom’s voice breaks a little, “And I don’t think anyone is ever truly ready to be a mother.”

“Do you think… we could…” She can’t get the words out. Once she says them she can’t take them back, and maybe she wants to hold them close to her for just a little longer.

“I think… I think you need to talk about this with Scott.”

No matter what his answer is they will be changed forever – their lives, their relationship. But maybe it’s naïve of her to think that the alterations aren’t already irrevocable, she knows deep down that things can never just go back to how they were last summer.

“You can think about it tonight, and then talk about it with him tomorrow, maybe after the doctor’s appointment.”

They sit there for a little while, her mom’s arms around Tessa’s shoulders, and Tessa’s hands feeling the baby move. When she gets up to go bed her mom says, “I’m proud of you, darling. I… I don’t think I’ve told you that enough.”

Tessa doesn’t think she’s said that to her at all throughout the whole pregnancy, and she tells her so.

Her mom’s face falls, but it’s the truth and Tessa isn’t going to feel bad about telling it. “I’m so sorry. I… I’ve found it hard to know how to be your mom through all this.”

She thinks that might be the most honest thing she’s said to her in months. She says good night and goes to the spare room.

Her back is still bothering her and she can’t get to sleep even after reading _Goodnight Moon_ to the baby. Tessa thinks the baby prefers it when Scott is here too and they alternate lines like a call and response.

Eventually she gets up and starts making up a list of things she should discuss with Scott tomorrow. She doesn’t talk to the baby, which feels weird because she talks to her so often, but she can’t tell her that’s she trying to decide their future.

The baby clearly doesn’t like being ignored because she starts moving even more vigorously than usual. “Kiddo, kiddo, I’m right here. I’m thinking about you all the time, I promise.” She bites her lip to stop herself from crying. “Are you missing Scott, too?”

It’s then that she remembers to check her phone, there are only three messages from him which surprises her a little but she supposes he might have thought she was asleep. The first tells her he got home safely, the second is about how maybe he should be grateful to her mom for sending him home because Alma had made apple pie, and the third is from five minutes ago saying that he wishes he was with her, and good night.

She calls and he picks up almost immediately. “Tess, I thought you might be asleep. How’s your back?”

She hasn’t thought about it for a while now. “It’s a bit better. She’s moving around so much though, I think she misses you.”

“I miss you both. Um, my mom said that maybe we could come here after the appointment tomorrow? It would give you a break from the cottage. She’s been telling people Dad has some really contagious stomach bug so no one is going to come around except maybe Charlie or Danny. She made that chocolate cake you like, but I can just bring it tomorrow morning if you don’t want to go.”

“No, I’d like that. It would be nice to be some place other than here or the hospital.” Maybe it would be a good place to talk about everything – better than the car where they can’t get away from one another, or the cottage where she’ll be living for the next few weeks. Maybe there’s something fitting about deciding things where it all began.

“Okay, good.” Scott goes quiet. “36 weeks, Tessa.”

“I know. It’s probably going to be the last scan.” Her mom really is right about them needing to make a decision soon. They’re lucky the baby hasn’t been born already, her doctor had warned that her age and size put her at higher risk for a premature birth. They don’t have much time left.

“I’m so excited to see her.” He sounds it too. “I know I’ve seen all the sonograms from the other ones, but… this will be her right in front of me.”

She’s so tempted to just ask him now. Ask him if he wants to see her all the time, to see her grow up. When he talks like this she can’t imagine him saying no.

“I’m so happy you’re going to be there.” She’s been having regular ones but before they… got back together? told each other how they were really feeling? she thought it would be too difficult to have him there, or that he wouldn’t want to come. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you to come before. If I had maybe we wouldn’t have been apart for so long.”

“Tess, I could have asked to go. And I’ll be there tomorrow. And for everything else.”

Tessa wipes her eyes. “I wish you were here.”

“Me too.”

She should probably change the mood before she ends up saying things she doesn’t want to bring up over the phone. “What would you be doing if you were here?” It was meant to be seductive or something but she starts yawning after about two words and she can’t tell if Scott even understood what she said.

He stops laughing. “I’d kiss you, and I’d talk to the baby, and then I’d rub your back until you fell asleep which is clearly what you should be doing right now.”

“That does sound nice,” she yawns.

“Go to sleep, Tess. I’ll see you in the morning, and then we’ll go see our baby.”

Our baby.

She doesn’t correct him.

Sleep comes easily for once, but she’s up a few times during the night. Her back is sore again but it’s different now, the pain is lower maybe.

Her mom has to wake her before she goes to work. “It’s good to see you getting some rest, but Scott will be here soon.” She smooths down some of her hair. “Tessa, whatever the two of you decide today… I’ll support you.”

She wonders if she’s still dreaming. “You will?”

Her mom blinks a few times, before leaning down and kissing her forehead. “Yes. I’ll see you tonight, darling.”

Tessa thinks she really could have done with that information earlier in this whole process.

She has to rush around to get dressed and put the birth plan as well as her list of things to discuss with Scott in the bag with her notebook. She’s scarfing down some cereal when Scott arrives.

He’s so careful with her as they walk out to his truck, even though it’s not even slippery. He drives slower too, and compared to the speed he used to take the pace is very sedate. She finds herself dozing off again, and as she does she remembers that lower back pain was one of the symptoms of the early phase of labour. She dismisses it though, she’d know if she were in labour surely.

It turns out after she talks to her doctor that she very much did not know, and she is indeed in labour. She probably has been since early this morning meaning that the next phase is coming soon. Dr. Galloway explains what’s going to happen next and squeezes her hand before heading out to give them time to call their parents.

Scott is just sitting there, face blank, and she can’t have this be like when they found out she was pregnant – she needs him present, completely with her. She’s trying to think of something to say to reach him when he turns his whole body towards her and draws her close, pressing his forehead against hers.

“Everything is going to be okay. You’re ready for this, you’ve done all the preparation. Dr. Galloway and the nurses are going to take such good care of you, and your mom will be here soon, and mine too. And I’ll be there the whole time, I’m not leaving, I promise.” His voice is so sure and strong.

“I don’t know if I am ready.” She’s done all the reading and watched those DVDs but it’s more the after that she’s worried about, that she hasn’t been able to even imagine. “Scott, we haven’t decided…”

“We have eight days after the birth until we can even sign the Consent to Adoption forms, and we don’t even have to do it that soon. We have time, Tess. You just need to focus on this, and we can deal with the rest later. I’m going to be here for everything, remember?”

She nods, but just focusing on what’s ahead of them today doesn’t calm her all that much. “What if it’s too early? She’s still so small.”

“She’s almost full-term, and the doctor said some babies are just ready to go at 36 weeks. We’re in the best place, okay?” He’s so calm, older-seeming almost.

Tessa puts her arms around him. “You’ll stay with me the whole time?”

“I’m not going anywhere.” She believes him. “Your mom is probably still in that meeting, so I’ll call mine first, okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Oh, could you ask her to go the cottage and get my hospital bag? It’s where we left it last week.”

Alma had come over with all the things she was going to need for after the birth. She’d bought a tiny white onesie and they both cried when the packed it in with everything else.

Scott kisses her and then calls his mom, keeping one arm around her. She puts her head on his shoulder, she can hear Alma’s reactions from her initial shock to making plans to go get the bag and see them soon.

The doctor comes in before they have a chance to phone her mom and she takes them up to the maternity ward so that Tessa can be introduced to the nurses on duty and get comfortable in her room.

Except she can’t really get comfortable because soon after they get there things start to take off, with time now measured in contractions rather than minutes or hours. Her mom and Alma arrive almost on top of each other, and she’s so glad to see them because no matter how great Scott is being he hasn’t actually done this before.

Her mom keeps stroking her hair and telling her that it’s going to be okay, “You’ve been so brave, Tessa, so brave this whole time and it’s just a little longer.” She doesn’t even seem to mind all that much when Tessa asks her during a particularly powerful contraction if she was a fucking lunatic for doing this four times.

Alma walks around the room with her and tells her that it’s all going to be worth it when she gets to hold the baby in her arms, which is sweet, but Tessa still doesn’t know how long she’s going to be holding this baby for.

Her doctor checks in regularly to make sure everything is progressing well and the nurses are so supportive, none of them even bat an eyelid at her and Scott, even though they must look like should be spending the evening doing homework rather than bringing a child into the world.

It’s still Scott she relies on most though. He seems to be taking everything in his stride, and when she asks him how he’s so prepared he tells her he got books and DVDs from the library. He looks so confused when she starts to cry and babbles about how much she loves him, as if it should have been obvious that he would do all that, and maybe he’s right.

The only time he seems anything other than calm is when she’s exhausted at nine centimetres. She’s trying to tell herself that the pain is just like from skating, that it’s all for something important, something wonderful, but she’s just so, so tired. They’re both standing up and she’s leaning against him, swaying slightly almost like they’re slow dancing.

Scott tells her how strong she is and she says, “I don’t feel that way right now. It hurts so much.”

He rests his head on her shoulder and she realises that she’s probably not the only one drained by all this. “I’m so sorry, Tess. So sorry.”

She hates it when he blames himself. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing. We’re nearly there, we’re going to meet her so soon.”

He kisses the place where her neck meets her shoulder and she sinks into him a little deeper. For the past month or so he’s been so careful when they’re around her mom, only holding her hand and sometimes putting his arm around her. Today though he’s been telling her he loves her the whole time, kissing her lips, her cheek, her hair, her shoulder. It settles her she thinks, like when he whispers in her ear with his hand tight in hers as they skate around the rink in competition warm-ups.

Tessa has never held his hand tighter than when the time finally comes to push. She hadn’t really believed the books or what everyone else had been saying about how she’d know when the time came, but she did. It was like her body knew what to do, or the baby had just made her decision and that was that. It seems to go on forever, and then suddenly very fast until everything in her is focused on this strong cry that surely can’t be coming from the baby in Dr. Galloway’s hands.

Her baby. Her baby is here.

“Well, I no longer have any worries about this little one’s lung development. She sounds and looks completely ready,” she turns to Bethany, the nurse, “eight on the Apgar. Tessa, I know you want some time with her, would you like to catch your breath while we get the two of you cleaned up or do you want to hold her now?”

She just reaches out her hands, she can’t think of anything other than finally holding her.

“I’m going to put her down on your chest and clamp the cord then…” the doctor keeps talking, something about an injection to assist with delivering the placenta and the possibility of stitches, but Tessa can’t take any of it in. All that matters is the baby.

She’s so small that Tessa’s hand practically covers her entire back, and her skin is impossibly soft. Her cries are quieter now and they stop as she curls closer into Tessa. She’s cleaner than she expected (because this whole experience has been messier than Tessa could have imagined), though there’s still some gunk in her hair that looks to be the same shade as her own. Tessa thinks her face is a little like Scott’s with the way she’s pouting. She can feel his arm around her and she reaches for his other hand to put on top of hers so they can both hold their baby.

She can hear their moms crying and she can’t identify the other sound in the room, a laugh and yet a cry at once, until she realises it’s coming from her own body.

“Hi kiddo,” she says, keeping her voice soft because she thinks the baby is about to fall asleep, “I can’t believe I’m finally holding you. We’re so happy you’re here.” She leans her head back against Scott’s and he kisses her cheek and then the top of the baby’s head.

“She’s perfect.” His voice is hushed, reverent.

“We… we _made_ her.” It’s almost unfathomable. She’s this tiny, perfect little person who exists because of them. Love made corporeal. And now Tessa doesn’t know how she or anyone could have thought this pregnancy was anything other than exactly how things were meant to be.

Bethany does the repeat Apgar test while the baby is still lying on Tessa’s chest and gives her a nine this time. Tessa is so caught up in looking at her that delivering the placenta seems to happen of its own accord with minimum effort required.

“Great job, Tessa. Now, I’d like to put in a stitch, it won’t take long at all and we’ll manage any pain you have, how would you feel about having baby go to the nursery to get cleaned up and have some checks while we take care of you? We’ll bring her straight back.”

She turns to Scott, “Will you go with her? I don’t… I don’t want her to be alone.”

He looks so torn. “I don’t want to leave you either.”

“Mom will be here. Please?” It’s not just that she doesn’t want the baby to be alone, she also doesn’t feel comfortable with him being here for this. She doesn’t want to put him off having sex with her ever again (even if in this precise moment it’s hard to imagine ever wanting that).

He kisses her forehead and then gently lifts the baby from her chest and places her on his. It’s such a confident move that he has to have practised it, and since she doesn’t think Scott has any experience with newborns this must have been something else he read about.

He’s gazing down at the baby with such wonder, his hair is sticking up and he’s all sweaty and tired, and she doesn’t think her heart can handle all the love she has for the two of them.

Tessa doesn’t know when the turning point was, or how many there were, but she knows watching Scott with their daughter that she’s reached the place of no return. And when Scott raises his eyes to hers she knows he feels the same.

The baby is coming home with them.

He kisses her again, firmly, on her lips, and then walks over to Bethany who wraps the baby in a blanket. Alma hugs her and goes over to the hospital bag to fish out the little onesie and hands it to Scott. Tessa can’t see his reaction because her mom wraps her arms tight around her.

“You did it, Tessa. You were amazing.” Her mom picks up a cloth and pats dry her forehead for her, and then wipes her cheeks with her thumb. “She’s going to be back so soon and you’ll have her in your arms again.”

Dr. Galloway was right about the stitch taking no time at all, and it doesn’t even really hurt. Her mom and one of the other nurses help her get changed afterwards, and they put fresh sheets on the bed. She’s just settling in when there’s a knock at the door and Bethany rolls in the baby followed by Scott and Alma.

They wheel her over to right beside Tessa’s bed and she lets out this involuntary coo when she sees her swaddled in a soft pink blanket. “You’re so beautiful, baby.”

Scott lifts her up, so careful to support her head, and places her back in Tessa’s arms. He perches beside her on the bed and she leans into him, encouraging him to put his arms around her so it’s like they’re both holding her.

“I’ll head out now, and you can just ring whenever you need anything, okay?” Bethany says. “You said on the birth plan you wanted time with your moms first and then some time just the two of you and baby, is that still how you want to go ahead?”

Oh. “Mom, I was thinking that maybe you and Alma should ring everyone and let them know, and maybe come back in after that?”

“Of course, I know your sister will kill me that I didn’t tell her it was happening.”

Alma nods, “Whatever you need, honey. We’ll be right outside when you want us.”

They head out then, her mom’s arm around Alma’s shoulders, and it’s just the three of them.

It’s silent for a few seconds until Scott whispers, “You’re sure, Tess? You’re absolutely sure?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure of anything.” He lays a kiss on her shoulder. “We should have talked about it sooner but…”

“What if we didn’t want the same thing?”

“Yes. And what if we did but we weren’t ready?” Maybe her mom is right and no one is ever truly ready.

“I've been reading so many parenting books. I have a plan. I was talking it all over with my mom yesterday…”

“My mom talked to me about it too.” She wonders if this was a co-ordinated thing, or if they both had had enough of them sticking their heads in the sand.

“What did she say?”

“She told me this morning that she’d support whatever we chose.”

“Really?” He sounds so surprised.

“Yeah, I know. I wrote out this list of things we should talk about last night, it’s in my purse from earlier?”

He goes to get it and she feels so much better when he’s back beside her. He points to the heading she has for Finance, “My parents will help out, and your mom maybe too?” and then the one for Where would we live? “Mom says we can stay with them for as long as we need.” He leaves his finger beside the Skating one. “We don’t need to decide yet. We can see how we feel.”

“I want to skate,” she assures him. “I’m not ready to be done. I… I know it’s going to be complicated but…” Tessa has dreams she’s not giving up on.

“I want that, too. I talked about that with my mom as well, and she’ll do whatever she can to help.”

She points at one of the other headings. “And we’re doing online school anyway, and you’re almost done.”

“I left my math course until the end so I’d only have something easy to do if we decided on this.” Easy for him.

“When did you know this is what you wanted?”

He strokes the baby’s hair. “I started picturing it once we found out she was a girl, and then that day when I felt her move, I guess that’s when I thought it might be possible.”

She tries to swallow her tears. “Once I knew how you felt about her…” She raises the baby up and drops kisses on her forehead and then her cheeks. “You are so, so loved.”

“We need a name! Do you still want to go with Katherine Alma?” They’d chosen that so that she’d have a part of their moms with her wherever she went.

Tessa studies her baby. “Katie, I think she’s a Katie.”

“Katie,” Scott tries it out.

“Katie Moir.”

He rests his head against hers, and he sounds so choked up when he says, “That’s her name.”

“Yes, that’s our baby’s name.”

They just sit there taking her in, and then she stirs a little before opening her eyes. Tessa knows that Katie can’t actually see her properly, but it feels like those blue eyes are looking deep into hers.

“Hi Katie. Do you recognise my voice? I don’t think I ever told you before but,” she takes a deep breath, “I’m your mom.” It feels incredible to say it. “And this is your dad. And we love you so, so much. And we’re going to show you that every day.”

“We’re so excited to be your mom and dad. We’re going to do our best, Katie.”

Tessa wonders if they should get someone to help her start to feed but then Katie’s eyes start to droop closed again. “I think she just wanted to say hi.”

There’s a soft knock at the door and her mom pokes her head around, “Do you want us to come in, or do you want some more time?”

Tessa looks up at Scott and he nods. “No, come in.”

Her mom and Alma sit down on the chairs beside the bed, not saying anything.

Even though she knows they’ve both said they will support them in this, she doesn’t quite know how to tell them.

“This is Katherine Alma,” Scott says. Her mom gasps and Alma starts to blink fast. “Katie. She’s our daughter and…”

“We’re her parents. We’re going to take her home with us.”

Her mom gets up and kisses her, reaching over to squeeze Scott’s shoulder. “I trust you. This is the right thing for her, I know that, Tessa.”

She needed that. “I love you, Mom.”

“Oh, I love you, too. So, so much.” She clears her throat, “Now, when can I hold my granddaughter?”

Tessa transfers Katie carefully into her mom’s waiting arms.

“I’m your nana, darling, and I can’t wait to get to know you.”

When her mom sits down Tessa can see that Alma has been crying. She comes over and hugs her and Scott close to her. “You two are going to be great parents, and we’ll be with you every step of the way.”

Alma returns to her seat and Katie is passed over into her arms. She kisses her and Tessa feels Scott’s arms tighten around her.

“Oh! You two should be sleeping! When the baby sleeps, you sleep too!” Her mom is looking at them like she expects them to fall asleep right this second.

Tessa thinks she’s so tired she’s not even tired anymore. “I want to hold her again first.”

Alma smiles and takes Katie over. “Back to Mama now, little one.”

“You’ll need to feed her when she wakes up, have you thought about what you want to do with that?” her mom asks.

“I’ll nurse her, if the two of us can figure it out.” Tessa is going to give her baby the best start she can.

“Okay, I’ll see if they have a lactation consultant here who can talk to you tomorrow.”

“And you’ll need to contact Vera too.” She hopes she won’t think they’ve been wasting her time.

“I phoned her earlier to say the baby had come, and… that you two were going to make a decision. I’ll call again in the morning.”

“Thank you.” Tessa yawns then.

“You really should try and get some sleep,” Scott murmurs.

She hums in agreement, running her finger down Katie’s nose. “Oh, Mom, when you go back to the cottage could you bring our old copy of _Goodnight Moon_? It’s under the pillow in the guest room. I… We’ve been reading it to her.”

Her mom opens and closes her mouth before saying, “Yes, I’ll get it tomorrow.”

Tessa kisses her baby. “I’m going to sleep now, too. I’ll see you when you wake up, Katie.” It’s still surreal to talk to her when she’s right here in her arms and not down to her stomach like she’s been doing for months, the one thing that had kept her sane when she felt so alone.

Scott takes her and puts her down in the bassinet. He whispers something to her before coming back to Tessa’s side.

Their moms get up. “We’ll leave you two to get some rest.” They turn off the main light as they leave.

Scott rubs her arm, “I’ll go sleep on the chair.”

She tugs him closer, “No, stay.”

He doesn’t argue, she hears his shoes fall to the ground and then he slips in beside her. She tries to move but it hurts, so she just turns a little and rests her head on his chest.

“You were incredible, Tess. Like a superhero.” He’s so serious.

“I don’t know about that,” she nuzzles into him.

“You were.” He’s playing with her hair and it’s making her even sleepier.

“I couldn’t have done it without you.”

She doesn’t hear if he says anything in response to that, doesn’t hear anything until she wakes up to her daughter crying maybe a few hours later.

Scott is lifting her up and soothing her, “It’s okay, Katie. Daddy’s got you, and Mama’s here too. She’s tired out from yesterday just like you. This must be all so new for you, but I promise that we’ll take care of you. I’m going to work so hard to make sure you and your mom are safe and happy.”

He’s going to be so great at this, he really is. “Scott?” He turns and smiles. “Do you want to give her to me and then go and see if someone can help with trying to feed?”

He rests Katie down on her chest and kisses her. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Tessa strokes Katie’s cheek and she roots towards her finger. “Clever girl, you know what you need, don’t you? I’m not exactly sure what I’m doing but I know you and your dad are going to help me out. The three of us are going to make it work together.”

It won’t be easy, but Tessa has Scott and their baby, and their moms by their side, and she thinks that somehow they’ll manage to figure things out.


	5. Only More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: If you’re still doing more AU AUs when would VM have another kid after Katie if they didn’t give her up for adoption??

**_March 2020_ **

After staring at it for ten minutes Katie decides to leave her last math problem behind for a while. Her dad is still at the rink and it will probably be so easy for him that he won’t be able to explain it. She could ask her mom but she really isn’t all that great at math either and they’d both just get even more confused. She’s too hungry to concentrate anyway.

Her mom isn’t in the kitchen and Katie’s not entirely sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. She’s been the one doing the cooking seeing as her dad is so busy getting his teams ready for Junior Worlds, so dinner is usually a game of what he calls ‘Bland or Burnt?’ Her mom had learned an entire cookbook of nutritious meals for children off by heart when she was small, but any time she tries a new recipe things just seem to go wrong for her.

She finds her in the living room looking at her laptop with two notebooks and a large selection of stationery beside her. It’s a lot like her studying set-up used to be when she was finishing off her degree.

Katie flops down on the couch beside her. “I’m going to starve to death.”

“Oh, please don’t. We’d miss you.” She mimes wiping tears from her face. “If you can just hold on a little longer your dad will be back with take-out. He doesn’t appreciate my culinary gifts.”

“Gifts… sure…” She rolls her eyes.

“Hey, you still eat all the old recipes!”

“They remind me of when we lived in Canton.” She puts her head on her shoulder and her mom kisses her hair. “What are you doing?”

“Looking up houses and schools in Toronto,” her mom says quietly.

Katie knows why she’s hesitant to bring it up. Her reaction when her parents told her they were planning to move had been… well, terrible. She’d burst into tears and yelled something about how they never thought about her when they were making decisions. She felt awful even before her mom started crying, she knew that wasn’t true. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen her mom so sad, and her dad had been so disappointed. All he said was that she’d been the first thought in their minds ever since they found about her, he hadn’t even raised his voice, just stated it simply.

It was so obvious that they were thinking about her when making this decision too. The whole reason her dad was going to take the job offer at the Cricket Club now and not spend more time learning from Marie and Patch was that they wanted to move this summer so that she could start her first year of high school with everyone else and not have to be the new girl again. It would be good to be closer to the rest of their family too, but it had been hard moving to Montréal after getting settled living full-time in London, and she still isn’t exactly excited about doing that again.

“Can I see?” She tries to make it sound brighter than she feels, but she’s not sure if her mom is buying it.

“This is my spreadsheet.” Of course there’s a spreadsheet. It seems to be a list of houses, with their distances from the Cricket Club and a variety of schools. The thing that really catches Katie’s eye are the columns for number of bedrooms and size of backyard.

“How big is this house going to be?” They don’t seem to want anything with fewer than five bedrooms, that’s even bigger than the house in Ilderton her dad is still renovating.

Her mom closes the laptop and puts it down on the coffee table before turning towards her. “Your dad and I have been talking about having more kids… and I’d like to know how you feel about that.”

Oh. Katie hasn’t thought about siblings for a while. She had wanted one so badly when she was little, but her parents had explained that it wasn’t the right time. She got a maybe once in 2014, but she guesses they’d opted for the comeback instead. It was always going to happen at some point, anyone could see how good they were at the whole parenting thing, and how much they liked kids, and especially babies. She knows that other people in her family are waiting on an announcement, she’d been unfortunate enough to overhear Jordan, Cara, and Sheri starting a betting pool for “how long will it take for Scott to knock Tessa up?” at a party at her grandparents’ just after they got back from Korea. And they talked about her parents being gross for kissing and holding hands!

“Yes. You should have a baby. I’d like some sisters or brothers.”

Her mom’s face lights up and she pulls her in close. “I know it will be a big change, along with the all the others, it’s been the three of us for so long. But this feels like the right time.”

She thinks that makes sense with life being less busy after all the Olympics attention and her mom having graduated. They’re in their thirties now, it’s the normal time for them to have kids.

“What would you have said if I didn’t want you to?”

“I’d have wanted to understand why, and I guess we’d have gone from there.” She rubs her back. “You’re sure you’re okay with the idea?”

“Yes,” she says quickly, maybe too quickly.

“You are always going to be the most important person in my life, you and your dad, and if we’re lucky enough to have more kids then I’ll just make more room for them.” Her voice gets a little shaky, “I could never love you any less, only more.”

Katie tightens her arms around her mom, she can’t think of anything to say except “I love you.”

They sit together like that for a little until she hears her dad at the door. “I’ve come home to feed you!”

Her mom takes her face in her hands and kisses her forehead and then her two cheeks quickly before saying, “You’d better hurry and eat before you faint from hunger.”

She really is starving. She rushes into the kitchen and hugs her dad as he’s putting Chinese food onto their plates. “Katie, your mom’s food isn’t _that_ bad, you’ll offend her.”

“You’re the one more likely to do that,” she says as she starts helping him.

“I don’t know why I even bother anymore.” They both turn to see her mom leaning against the doorframe, she’s smiling but her eyes are glittery with tears.

Her dad puts the box of rice down immediately and goes over to her. “Tess, are you okay?” He cups her face and she puts an arm around his shoulder.

“Everything is great,” she assures him, and he wraps her into his arms. He moves them around so that he can raise his eyebrows at Katie.

“Mom wants to have your babies.”

He grins then, his widest one, and holds her mom tighter. “I thought that was firmly established when we had you, but some more recent confirmation is always good.” He kisses her hair and then looks back up. “And you’re happy about that, right?”

“Yeah, it will be back payment on a Santa letter from when I was small.”

“Oh my God,” her mom laughs. “I’d forgotten all about that. Was that the one with the pony too?”

“I mean, some of those backyards of the houses on your spreadsheet would be big enough for one if you want to come through on that too…”

“How about a dog instead?”

“A dog?! Really?!” Katie runs over and throws her arms around her parents.

“You seem more excited about this than the possibility of a baby.” She can tell her mom is just teasing.

“We can pick a dog, and get one sooner. We have to take what we get with a baby.”

“Take what we get…” she shakes her head. “It’s lucky for you that we make exceptionally beautiful babies.”

“ _Mom_.” She’d really prefer if they could all just pretend this was a stork situation.

“You’ve seen photos of yourself, you were adorable,” her dad adds.

“The prettiest.”

She dodges out of the way when her mom reaches out to squeeze her cheek and heads over to the table, “Can you two try to be a little less sappy?”

“Probably not,” her dad answers, and she doesn’t need to be watching to know that they’re definitely kissing now. In the kitchen, with dinner on the table. She doesn’t know what she’ll do with them.

 

Afterwards, Katie will think that she probably should have put things together more quickly. The weird expression on her mom’s face after she asked her where the Tylenol was when she had period pain had probably been the very first sign. Then all her nervous energy for the rest of that week, but Katie just put that down to her missing Dad and being excited to see him again. He was spending some days in Toronto to start working with his new teams and get used to the rink before Stars on Ice. Another thing was how extra-happy they seemed that whole weekend but she just thought that was them being reunited. Her dad spent an extra day with them before going back and when she asked him why he said that something came up, seeming very eager about whatever this something was. All the decaf coffee suddenly in the kitchen should maybe have been the tipping point, but her mom really did consume a lot of caffeine and cutting down sounded like a sensible idea.

So, she doesn’t actually figure out what her parents have called her into the living room to talk about with them right up until something twigs about how excited they’re acting. She’s sitting in between them and they’re beaming at one another, but it’s still not absolutely clear to her until her mom takes her hand and says, “It’s early, but we wanted you to be the first to know, and to know before we went away on tour… you’re going to be a big sister.”

“Really?!” Katie throws her arms around her and then stops squeezing. “Am I holding you too tight?”

Her mom responds by crushing her to her, more or less hauling her up onto her lap in the process, so she guesses that’s her answer. She’s much too old to be held like this, but only her parents can see and it still makes her feel all warm inside.

“I didn’t expect it to happen so soon.” She thought it wouldn’t be until after they moved.

“Us either! We thought we’d have to try…”

“Scott!” her mom says at the exact same time she says “Daaaad!”

Her mom continues, “I really don’t think Katie needs us to go into details.”

“Seriously.” She has enough problems with people sending her links to the Buzzfeed articles they get featured in about couples who are still super into each other after being together for ages, and all the old sex on ice ones, she doesn’t need them to actually refer to it.

“Sorry. You’re right.” He scratches his neck, suddenly finding the pattern on the couch very interesting.

Her mom lifts his hand and kisses it and then turns her face to Katie again. “Oh, talking about being sorry, we’re going to have to cancel the trip to Japan and Korea, I know you were excited but I don’t want to be skating shows at that stage, especially so far away from home.”

She was really looking forward to it, but they’ve gone the past two summers. “Obviously not. Should you be skating at all?” What if something happened to the baby?

Her mom rolls her eyes (and it’s totally unfair that her dad doesn’t say anything about this, because he’d definitely say something to her if she did it). “You are so your father’s daughter. I was training full-time when I was this far along with you, and winning competitions, this time we’ll just be doing some easy programmes, nothing too flashy. Your dad will take care of us.”

It takes her a second to realise that the ‘us’ her mom is talking about is her and the baby, it’s a little weird that her ‘us’ won’t be just two or three of them anymore. They’re going to be a four now.

“Of course, he always does.” She reaches out and hugs him. He’s smiling into her shoulder, she can tell.

They’re all kind of cuddled together now, and it reminds Katie of so many times when she was little, after bath time in their house in Canton or watching Disney movies together back in London, and moments she can’t even remember like those captured in the photos of them cradling her in their arms when they took her home to her grandparents’ in Ilderton after she was born. No matter where they’ve been she’s always known how much her parents love her. Maybe now is the right time to share them with someone else.


	6. you're a dream to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: AU AU Where the media find about Katie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being a little different from the prompt, but have some baby and toddler!Katie!
> 
> Title from 'Dreams' by The Cranberries.

**_March 2006_ **

Tessa can’t remember when she last wore make-up. Maybe some of her early doctor appointments, or the first few times Vera came to the cottage? Those memories all seem so cloudy to her now, like they happened to some other girl. It’s only been four weeks but it feels like she’s always been a mom, like this has always been her life. Maybe because it’s so all-consuming. Everything else fits around Katie – Joe has started teaching her to drive in the evenings when the baby is sleeping, she does her homework during naps too, or as she’s feeding her with Alma or her mom writing down answers for her (it’s easier when Alma does it because her mom writes so fast that it confuses Tessa).

She wipes the warm water off the tube of mascara that she’s been heating up to revive it. Luckily only it and her lip glosses had dried up, and the lip gloss felt juvenile to her now anyway. She’d been a little worried that she might have forgotten how to apply all her products, but her hands seem to know what to do. It’s a good thing too because she thinks having bad make-up in front of Marina, Igor, and the officials from Skate Canada would be worse than if she just wore none at all. She’s glad her mom bought her a new dress for this because her body is in this weird halfway place where her pregnancy clothes are too big and her ones from before don’t quite fit either. Plus, the dress has buttons all the way down the front which is handy.

After fixing her hair one last time she checks on Katie who’s still sleeping soundly. She never thought she’d be so interested in just watching a baby sleep, but there’s something calming about the way her little chest rises and falls, and Tessa could look at that face all day anyway. It’s good to see her content again, yesterday she’d been so out of sorts and refused to settle unless one of her parents was holding her. It was gratifying that she wanted them (Tessa is a little worried that she gets too much satisfaction out of the fact that it’s her Katie wants, and not her mom or Alma who have so much more experience with babies), but it did make doing anything else something of a challenge. She’s usually very peaceful and placid, everyone comments about what a good baby she is. Tessa actually thinks she’s the _best_ baby, but she’s aware that she’s far from objective on this subject.

“Tess?” The slightly ajar door to her room creaks open and she turns around. She smiles when she sees that Scott is still wearing his coat.

His eyes widen. “Wow, you look…” Then they widen again. “I mean… not that…”

“I look like I might have gotten more than four consecutive hours of sleep in the past month?”

“Something like that,” he agrees as he wraps his arms around her. He smells like skating. “Has she been down for long?”

“About an hour. How was practice?”

“Still sucks without you.” He’d been downright moody heading to the rink today, but she thinks that might have been because he was worried he’d be leaving her with an unsettled Katie again.

“I’ll be back soon.” Tessa believes she’d at least be able to manage a few laps now, but her doctor doesn’t want her out on the ice until after her six-week check-up. The pain is mostly gone though, and she thinks that some simple stroking exercises would be a lot less taxing than the effort involved in making sure Katie is warm enough to go outside, putting her into the pram, and then manoeuvring the pram outside the house and along the lanes near to the Moirs’. She could do with driving lessons for that, too.

Scott kisses her forehead and she lifts her head so that she can kiss him properly. He pulls her to him, she loves how close they can be again now without the bump in the way. Kissing is another thing they have to fit around Katie, and his parents and brothers and all the other Moirs who flit in and out of the house on a regular basis. Also, her mom, mainly her mom, even when she’s half an hour away.

She’s not half an hour away now because Tessa can hear her coughing pointedly from the hall. She steps back from Scott and when her mom raises her eyebrows at her she finds herself saying, “The door was open.” It’s probably better than ‘the baby is right here’ or ‘it hasn’t been six weeks yet’ at least.

Her mom just raises her eyebrows higher. Scott must take this as his cue to go because he mumbles something about getting changed before kissing her on the cheek and leaving.

Her mom joins her beside the crib. “How is she today?”

“Good, a lot happier than yesterday.”

“I’m glad.” She strokes Katie’s forehead softly. “You were miserable when I saw you last, little one.” She turns back to Tessa. “If you feed her now she might sleep through the whole meeting.”

“I just fed her an hour ago. She needs her sleep, especially after yesterday.”

“She’ll probably fall right back asleep straight after, Tessa.”

“She won’t be hungry enough yet.” Her mom might have raised four babies, but this is Tessa’s baby and she knows what she needs.

“I’m just trying to help, darling.”

“I know,” she replies, a little guiltily. Her mom is trying her best, but it can feel like she’s telling Tessa what to do, not giving her advice.

“Your dad is in the kitchen with Alma and Joe.”

“Dad’s here? He’ll come to talk about skating but he can’t find the time to see his granddaughter more than once since she came home from the hospital?”

“He’s,” her mom sighs, “adjusting.”

“Adjusting? We’re all adjusting.” She doesn’t expect him to just magically be onboard with them deciding to parent when he had made it perfectly clear he thought continuing with the pregnancy in the first place was a bad idea, but she can’t understand how he doesn’t at least want to spend time with Katie. Tessa needs to cuddle her daughter close to her, but she doesn’t want to disturb her so she makes do with gentle kisses to her forehead and cheeks.

“I’m going to do some study before everyone gets here,” she informs her mom.

“Do you want me to help?”

“No, thanks.” She doesn’t think she’d be able to concentrate with her mom there right now.

Her books are in the living room, currently neatly tucked away after she and Alma had tidied up earlier. She grabs her history textbook and binder and picks up where she left off in the Winnipeg General Strike.

She’s almost finished the chapter when Scott comes in. It’s her turn to widen her eyes. He’s wearing a blue button-down and his nicest pair of jeans (the ones she had to drag him around three shops to find last summer). All he’s been wearing is sweatpants for the last while and he always looks good, but she supposes she’s been a bit too preoccupied to notice lately.

He grins when she awkwardly blurts all that out, and then asks “Do you want me to leave you alone?”

Tessa shakes her head and pats the space on the couch beside her. They sit in silence for the next five minutes while she writes up her notes. She fiddles with her pen after she replaces the cap. “My dad’s here.”

“Yeah.” Scott sounds about as pleased about this as she does.

“So I guess we know what his priorities are.”

He takes her hand in his. “I’m sorry, Tess.”

“I’m fine.” She is, mostly. “I… I just don’t know what we do if it’s always like this and Katie wants to know why he doesn’t want to spend time with her.” Surely he’ll have to change at some point, how could he not want to be involved in her life?

“That’s something we can think about later, yeah?” He kisses the top of her head. “Do you want me to ask you the revision questions?” She hands him the book and he clears his throat and puts on his best Trebek voice, “For two hundred dollars…”

The doorbell rings then. “Here we go…” Scott mutters. He waits for her while she puts away her study materials and they walk out to the front door together.

Alma has already welcomed inside Marina, Igor, Mike Slipchuk, and some woman Tessa has met once or twice before but whose name she can’t seem to recall. Maybe baby brain is real and hers is just limited to this very specific instance.

Marina hugs her and gushes about how good it is to see her after so long, Igor shakes her hand very awkwardly, and the female Skate Canada official grasps her shoulders and tells her that she looks remarkably well (which is a compliment she guesses). Mike presents her with a pink elephant for Katie, which is sweet, but she really doesn’t need any more toys. She has so many and her only interests right now are sleeping, eating, and cuddling.

They file into the living room and sit down, Tessa slightly squished between Scott and Alma on the small couch.

There’s an exchange of pleasantries about how Igor and Marina’s teams got on at the Olympics and at Worlds, and how good it is of them to stop here after their stint in Calgary, and then about Katie and how Tessa and Scott are finding parenthood. This goes on for maybe five minutes before the Skate Canada lady (Emma? Emily?) coughs, and then begins a rather monotone speech that sounds like it was practised in the car all the way here. “As you know, we believe that Scott and Tessa hold so much promise, and we’ve all been excited about their future in this new Olympic cycle which will end on Canadian soil in Vancouver. We’d like to hear a little more about what your plans are for the upcoming season and going forward after that.”

Both Scott and her mom start to speak, and then her mom nods at Scott to continue. Her dad doesn’t look at him.

“Well, Tessa should be back out on the ice in the next few weeks and we’re going to have to get our skating back to where it was and then improving again.” She’s going to have to work on her skating, Scott’s better than ever.

Marina steps in, “We have been making plans already. Igor and I will come and do choreography, Tessa and Scott will stay and practise here until they are back to how they were skating last September, then come back to Arctic Edge showing no weakness. We will monitor how they progress. Scott’s mother and aunt can be there every day and their old coach will come for a few sessions each week.”

They’d talked to Suzanne about it a few days ago, first on the phone and then in person. She’d been her normal, positive self, and so taken with Katie. She was excited to get to work with them again, and Tessa felt the same.

“That sounds great,” Mike says. “Do you think they will be ready for the Grand Prix season?”

“Yes,” Igor states. “Tessa and Scott are very determined, very hard workers. They will be ready.”

Tessa is surprised he has such confidence without even having seen them skate. She smiles at him, but he can’t seem to meet her eyes.

“And what do you think would be best to do with… the reason they’ve had to take time off? How to announce that I mean?” The Skate Canada lady is also not keen on making eye contact with Tessa.

Marina’s voice is a steel fist in a silk glove. “No announcements for quite some time. From other skaters too at first. I do not know how judges will react. Best to keep quiet until they have established themselves as seniors, made a name, build momentum. Not hiding anything, just not talking.”

She hadn’t mentioned not even telling other skaters before. Tessa feels bad enough already about not having told Tanith, she doesn’t know how long she’ll last when they’re back training together.

“It might be hard to stop other people from noticing,” Scott says. He’s right, all it would take is for one person to bump into them buying diapers or taking Katie for a walk.

“Will Katie be coming to Canton with you or staying with her grandparents?” Marina asks.

“Coming with us,” they say quickly, firmly. It had been brought up before by their parents, and neither of them had reacted as calmly then.

Marina nods as if that is the end of the discussion, but the other woman presses further. “Didn’t Katia Gordeeva’s mom look after their daughter when she was a baby?”

Scott winces and it takes her a second to realise it mightn’t just be because of the suggestion they leave Katie at home in Canada.

“They were touring all the time,” Marina explains.

“I’m going to come and stay with them,” her mom adds. “They will have all the support they need.”

Tessa’s newly crowned least favourite Skate Canada official nods, as if their childcare arrangements are any of her business. Her mom is going to care for Katie while they’re training, except for when her work schedule won’t allow it and then they’ll have to take her to a nursery. She’s not crazy about this idea, but they’ve found one with glowing recommendations that they’re going to check out in a few weeks. Alma had offered to come and would have watched Katie when they were at the rink and then coached when they were at home, but they felt they couldn’t agree to let her leave her own business. There was also the Joe factor. He seemed to pine whenever she was away for a short time, Tessa didn’t know how he’d cope if Alma was only home on weekends.

Scott’s shoulders are still all tensed up so she rubs his back a little. It’s the first time the room has been quiet, which makes the crying from the baby monitor and down the hall even louder. Tessa rushes out, afterwards she’s not sure whether she even said anything. It never usually gets to the stage where Katie has to cry to let her know she’s hungry, most of the time she’s in the room with her, and usually even over the monitor it’s easy to pick up the sounds of her getting restless or licking her lips.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” she tells her once she’s close enough to be heard, quickly unbuttoning her dress before she picks her up. “I’m here now. I couldn’t hear you because so many people were talking!”

She switches off the baby monitor after lifting Katie, she doesn’t think they want to listen in on her talks with her baby. Katie latches on quickly after Tessa has fixed up the pillows behind her back on the bed, and she exhales. She notes down the time in her nursing log and sets a timer on her phone to record how long her daughter feeds on each breast. Sandhya, their public health nurse, was very impressed with how organised she was, and by how much weight Katie was gaining. It sometimes feels like this is the one thing she can know for sure that she’s getting right.

“Marina and Igor and some people from Skate Canada are here to talk about Mommy and Daddy’s skating. I’m going to start going to the rink with Daddy soon and you’re going to stay here with Grandma, or maybe come to the rink too and sit in her office with her.” She kisses Katie’s tightly balled up little hand. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

Tessa wants to skate again, so badly, but she doesn’t know how she’s going to react to being away from her baby. Sometimes she could kill for an hour to herself, but any time she is on her own, like those blessed few minutes in the shower earlier today, all she can think of is Katie. She’s wondered if maybe a baby and school is more than enough for her to handle (it’s a _lot_ ), but then she remembers the feel of Scott’s hand in hers as they skate, or that invincibility when they nail an element and she can’t wait to get back, even if only for an hour – to give her enough time to feel like her body is hers.

“You’re so hungry today, Katie.” Her fists have started to relax a little but she’s still wide awake. “Your dad thinks your eyes are going to turn green like mine, but I know they’re going to be hazel just like his.”

Tessa yawns. She usually only feeds Katie in the bedroom at night now, or first thing in the morning. For the first few days after they brought her home she’d gone in here all the time, everyone was coming in and out of the living room and kitchen and she was uncomfortable about nursing in front of them all. Alma had reminded her that she’d come here to be around people, and told her she’d just get lonely shutting herself away. It wasn’t like anyone could see much, and Scott was the only person who’d ever actually been interested in her boobs. Kyle Lawrence hadn’t seemed overly impressed when she’d removed her sparkly top in a closet at her friend Lucy’s party, so she’d been surprised when a few months later Scott acted like seeing her topless wasn’t far off the greatest moment in his life up until that point. That memory was of course slightly tainted by his family walking in five minutes later.

“Good girl,” she murmurs as she pats Katie’s back, before kissing the top of her head. She never usually has trouble with wind, but Tessa always burps her when she’s switching sides and after she’s finished feeding.

It’s after she has her settled at her right breast that she hears Marina calling her name. She answers automatically, and even if she hadn’t she presumes her coach would be able to find her anyway.

She’s trying to place a blanket over her chest when Marina walks in and waves her hand dismissively, “Why cover up? This is natural.” It’s especially natural in her bedroom in her home, but Marina has never been one for boundaries. “I knew you were breastfeeding when I saw you.” Maybe she’d been wrong then about Scott being the only person who stared at her boobs.

“Is everything going alright?” she asks.

“Oh yes, fine,” Marina nods. “I just came to keep you company.” She sits at the bottom of the bed and starts telling Tessa stories about when Fedor was a baby, and it’s… nice. She holds Katie while Tessa fixes herself up and moves around the room getting the changing things ready.

“You should take her in to meet Igor and the others when she’s ready,” Marina suggests. Tessa’s not so sure Igor wants to meets her, and this must be written on her face because Marina adds, “He loves babies.” She pauses, “Igor is… a concrete thinker, he needs to see something to understand.” Tessa isn’t entirely sure what seeing Katie will make Igor understand, but she thinks it can’t make things any more awkward.

Marina coos when she sees all the baby clothes (they’re so adorable and tiny, just like Katie), and nods approvingly when Tessa selects a white sleepsuit with maple leaves dotted all over it.

She’s unrolling the changing mat when Marina says, “Tessa, how long are you planning to breastfeed?”

“I, uh… The nurses recommended a year if possible, but I don’t think that will be doable with, you know, competing and everything…” She hadn’t been expecting this.

“No. It is good for the baby but you will get in shape faster if you stop.” Marina looks her up and down and just like that she’s no longer a fellow mom but her coach. It could be a year ago in Canton before she and Scott had even kissed, when Marina used to ask what Tessa had for dinner the night before almost every day. “I read that it affects joints too, and bottle would be more convenient, yes?”

Tessa mumbles something incoherent as she takes Katie from Marina’s arms and holds her tight before laying her down on the mat. She’s not going to cry, she has to take care of her baby. Katie is drowsy in that very satisfied post-feed way, at least until the wet wipes and cream wake her up.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Tessa croons. “You’re going to be all cosy again soon, I promise.” She kisses her little legs. “And looking so cute too!” All the books said that it was important to talk and smile with the baby when you were changing their diaper. This is a part of being a mom that Tessa hadn’t exactly been fantasising about back in the cottage, but it has to be done, and it’s surprising how very quickly she can get used to things she needs to do for Katie.

Marina holds her while Tessa tidies up and washes her hands, which is helpful, even if Tessa doesn’t really feel like she wants her daughter in the Russian woman’s arms right now. She takes her back quickly and they walk back down the hall into the living room.

It’s tense, she notices the charge in the atmosphere immediately. Scott is scowling until he sees her and Katie and his face softens.

“I thought you might like to meet her!” she says brightly. She goes to Mike first because he seems the most relaxed.

He comments on how beautiful she is, and that she’s definitely a Moir. The other Skate Canada official leans in, “Oh my word, she is precious! No wonder you couldn’t say goodbye!”

What the _fuck_? Does she think they made their decision to parent because Katie was a pretty baby?!

Tessa moves away quickly, and when she turns towards Igor he has his arms outstretched. She places Katie down carefully and he smiles, first at her baby, and then back up at her. She hovers beside him for a moment but he starts murmuring something in Russian and they both seem perfectly content so she returns to her seat beside Scott.

He grips her hand in his almost too tightly and between that and watching Igor dote on Katie she’s not really taking in the details of what everyone is discussing now. It’s something about the image they should go for – sweet, innocent - and she doesn’t quite get why they’re acting like that’s something she and Scott might have to fake. She’s had sex with one person, a boy she’s loved in one way or another since she was seven years old, she doesn’t think it gets any sweeter and more innocent than that.

Marina clears her throat and informs everyone that they should be on their way. The Skate Canada lady looks like she has a lot more to say, but Mike pointedly remarks that they’ve taken up more than enough of their families’ time and she gets up to leave. It seems like Igor would happily stay sitting with Katie for as long as he was allowed, he’s like a different man now to the one who walked in the door earlier. Scott gets a clap on the back when he goes over to take Katie from his arms, and once she’s settled snugly back on her dad’s chest Igor gives Tessa a bear hug and tells her what a great job she’s doing.

She’s about to follow them out to the door when Scott throws his free arm around her and draws her close, kissing her hair. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too?” she answers, a little confused by how fierce he sounds. There’s no question in her mind about the way he feels about her, not after the past few months. “Did something happen when I was gone?”

He sighs, and if Tessa wasn’t so concerned she’d probably smile because it’s cute when he gets dramatic like this. Scott sits back down on the couch and she nestles in under his arm, resting her head on his chest just above where Katie is lying in his arms, fast asleep.

“Something happened?” she prompts.

“Basically the minute you left, Embeth…”

“Embeth! That’s her name! I could not remember what it was!” She was pretty close. “God, she was awful, right? That wasn’t just me? Trying to tell us what we should do, and the stuff about getting how we couldn’t say goodbye?”

“As if she was an ugly baby we’d have been like ‘Nah, better get out the files on adoptive families again!’” Scott huffs. He bends down and kisses Katie’s head, like an apology for even joking about it. Tessa feels like somehow she loves them both more and more each day. Sometimes it feels like her heart can’t contain it all, like it’s thrumming louder and louder, and faster and faster, and the rest of her body can’t keep up with it.

She puts her arms around him. “Well, whatever she said was probably nonsense then.”

“Yeah, it was. She… suggested that I think about potential other partners, just in case you decided you didn’t want to come back after all.”

“Oh.” Tessa hasn’t even thought about the possibility of Scott skating with anyone else since she brought it up the first time she’d seen him after deciding to continue with the pregnancy and he’d reacted like she’d told him she thought they should skate for the U.S. or something. Should she have? Is she being selfish?

“I’m never going to compete with anyone else. If it’s too much too soon we’ll take more time off, and if you don’t want to skate anymore, we’ll figure something out. I can coach and you can go to school.”

“But you’re special. I… I don’t want to keep you from anything.”

“Tess. The only reason I’m any good is because I’m skating with you. I’ve just been trying to keep up with you. I love skating, yeah, but what I really love is skating with you. Fuck, when…”

“Language.” She thinks it’s best to start the practice of not swearing in front of Katie now so that by the time they have to worry about her repeating things it will already be ingrained.

“Sorry. When she started talking about that all I could think of was where you’d be, you and Katie, and what was I meant to do if I was away from you. I couldn’t…”

She raises her head and kisses his jaw. “We’re not going anywhere, not without you. The three of us are in this together.”

“Well, I made it pretty clear that me skating without you wasn’t an option. She kept trying to bring it up after, I think even Marina got annoyed because she left to go find you. I wish I had thought of that.”

Tessa’s throat hurts. She’d almost forgotten about the Marina incident. “She wants me to stop nursing.”

“What? Why? That’s… what does that have to do with her?”

“So I lose weight faster I guess. She said something about joints too, I don’t know.” Tessa tries to focus on Katie’s face.

“She… that’s not her call, she shouldn’t have said that. I… You…” He sounds so at sea, and then he takes a deep breath. “This is your choice, Tessa. As long as it’s not going to make you more likely to get injured or anything like that then you should do it for as long as you want.”

“But if I’m heavier you could get injured, and I won’t look…”

“You’re not heavy,” Scott says firmly. “And you look perfect.”

It’s sweet that he thinks that, but he’s not Marina, or Igor, or a panel of judges. She strokes Katie’s hair. “I want to get this right. I- I don’t know how to be a good skater and a good mom.”

“You’re both those things already.” He sounds so sure about it, like it could never be questioned. “We just need to figure out how we’re going to be skaters and parents at the same time.”

Before she has time to think of anything to say in response her mom and Alma come bustling in, each carrying trays of sandwiches and cakes.

“We had all this food ready and they didn’t eat any of it!” her mom complains. “Tess, do you want… Oh, darling, what’s wrong?”

She’d been doing a pretty good job of not crying but once her mom pulls her into her arms it’s like the dam breaks.

“You have nothing to worry about, they’re all very aware now that Scott isn’t going to be skating with anyone else.”

“It’s not that,” she mumbles. The chances that she’s getting snot all over her mom’s cashmere sweater are worryingly high.

“No? Can you tell me what it is that’s bothering you?”

Tessa just cries harder so Scott steps in. “Marina told her to stop breastfeeding.”

“What?” Her voice is icy. “That’s not her decision to make. It’s Tessa’s.” She softens, “And if you want to stop you should, but only if it’s what you think is best for you.”

It really would be easier when they’re back training longer hours to not have to worry about taking breaks for pumping, or leakages all over her tops, but it shouldn’t be just about her. “It should be about what’s best for Katie, too.”

Alma squeezes her knee. She’d been so quiet up until now. “I had to stop breastfeeding Scott a lot earlier than I would have liked, and I think he turned out alright. You certainly seem to like him anyway.”

Tessa laughs, and turns to look at him. “He’s okay.”

“Thanks,” he mouths. His cheek is on top of Katie’s head and all she wants now is to be as close to them as possible.

She hugs her mom quickly and settles back under Scott’s arm.

Alma starts putting food onto a plate. “You don’t need to make any decisions right away. Now you just need to eat.” She raises her eyebrows.

Tessa does as she’s told, even if halfway through eating a sandwich she gets majorly distracted by Katie stretching.

“Do you think she’s going to wake up again? Maybe I should have put her down,” Scott worries.

“I think she likes sleeping in our arms better than she likes the crib anyway. It was the only place she’d sleep yesterday.”

“She loves her parents,” Alma says simply.

Tessa smiles at her and then Katie. That seems a pretty good start to her.

 

**_March 2008_ **

Tessa puts down her lipstick and hopes for the best. The mirror is tiny, and the lighting in Scott’s (she still doesn’t really think of it as theirs) room isn’t great, but she can always fix her make-up later. It’s only a few Moirs and her parents who are coming to this post-Worlds viewing party anyway, no one who hasn’t seen her in various states of messiness and sheer exhaustion over the past two years.

She isn’t expecting to see a shirtless Scott just sitting on the bed watching her when she turns around. “Weren’t you getting dressed?”

“I got distracted.” He tugs her hands so that she ends up straddling him. “You’re so pretty.”

She kisses him, naturally. “We’re not doing this.”

“Doing what?” he asks, dragging a finger up her ribbed black tights.

“Whatever you’re planning.” The way she leans back her neck when he starts kissing her collarbone probably isn’t selling him on this statement.

“Katie’s been sleeping in our bed ever since we got back from Gothenburg,” he coaxes.

“I know, I was the one who woke up with her hair all over my face. And that’s only been three nights, you just got spoiled when we were away.” Being away from their daughter was still hard, but the alone time that was actual alone time and not accompanied by a baby monitor or worrying about parents elsewhere in the house did provide some consolation.

“You can never have too much of a good thing, Tess.”

“And what’s the good thing, me or sex?” she teases.

“Sex with you, obviously.” His hands on her back are really very persuasive and she needs to get up soon or this party will be a disaster.

“Well, I’m not the one who’s taken our daughter into her room after she’s fallen asleep and then returned still holding her each night.”

“She keeps doing the koala thing, when she clings on really tight. If I put her down she’d wake up and cry and then we’d just have to start the whole process again.” Tessa is pretty sure that Katie is smarter than both of them combined.

They hear a sigh on the monitor and Tessa points to it. “And that is why we can’t do anything right now. If we let her sleep longer she’s going to be overtired and there will definitely be tears.”

“I can be really fast.”

She laughs, “I am a lucky, lucky girl.”

“Sorry,” Scott says into the crook of her neck, “You’re right.”

“I know I am. I’m going to get her up, you… put on a shirt.” She scoots back so that she can lift his head and kiss him properly. “She’s sleeping in her crib tonight though.”

He flops back on the bed and for a second she reconsiders. They can be very time-efficient if they need to be, skills she hadn’t quite anticipated to be part of parenting. Then more rustling comes over the monitor and she gets moving.

She meets Joe coming in with groceries when she gets downstairs. “You look nice, Tess. Are you going to wake up Sleeping Beauty?”

“Thank you. Yeah, if she’s down any longer she’ll get cranky later.”

“I can get her if you want to do some work on that essay before everyone else gets here.”

That essay is the last thing she has to do before she can finally graduate. “No, thanks. I don’t get to do this very often.” It’s usually only at weekends and maybe one weekday, and Tessa loves how affectionate Katie is when she’s sleepy, even more so than usual.

She can hear her moving about in her crib when she enters the room, but when she leans over the side of the crib she sees that her eyes are still closed.

“Hi Katie.” She reaches down to rub her tummy. “Are you ready to get up?”

Katie’s eyelids flutter and then she opens up those very familiar hazel eyes. “Mama,” she smiles, big and wide, lifting her arms up.

Her daughter nuzzles into her neck when she picks her up (always the other side to Scott’s favourite spot). “Did you have a good sleep? You needed that rest because we’re having a party today, remember?”

“Cake?” Katie asks, perking up a little.

“After dinner,” Tessa promises. She pulls Katie’s pink shirt down a little where it’s riding up her back. “First, we need to get changed, which dress would you like to wear?”

She takes her over to window where she’s hung up two choices for Katie to choose from on the curtail rail. Tessa hadn’t known that toddlers could develop opinions on what they wore so early, and when she mentioned this to her mom she’d been laughed at for three minutes straight and told that this was cosmic justice. She had quickly learned that Katie needed to be given specific choices or else they would either be there all day or end up with an eclectic, unseasonal outfit. During a big snowfall a few weeks before Worlds Katie had demanded to wear a dress-up tutu when going out to play, though Tessa had to admit that the compromise that she wear the tutu over her snowsuit had resulted in some very cute photos.

Katie points to the red dress. “You love that swishy skirt, don’t you? You’re going to have to show everyone your twirls.” She spins around to demonstrate and Katie laughs.

Changing her proves to be a very easy task, probably because she’s still tired, so much so that halfway through she rests her head on Tessa’s shoulder as if to ask for a break from all this activity. She hands her a sippy cup and lets her rest for a little minute before tackling the outfit’s matching woollen tights.

“Now we just need to brush your hair and you’ll be ready for the party!”

“Mama hair,” Katie reaches up and touches her ponytail.

“Yes, Mama has hair too… Oh! You want your hair to look like mine?”

Katie nods and Tessa is very glad she went for something simple that doesn’t require much in the way of length.

She’s just started brushing when Scott comes in and Katie starts bouncing on her knee.

“Hello to the two most beautiful girls in the whole wide world!” He kisses Katie first and then her before sitting down on the floor beside the armchair. “Is Mama doing your hair, sweetie?”

Katie grabs the hairbrush and gives it to Scott before climbing off Tessa’s lap. “Dada do!”

“The second you come in she replaces me.” She’s secretly quite pleased about this turn of events, Katie isn’t always the biggest fan of getting her hair brushed.

“I’m just such a great hair stylist, Tess,” he winks. “Now, miss, what style would like today?”

“Mama hair.” Katie sounds a touch exasperated.

“She wants a ponytail like mine,” Tessa explains.

“Good, I think I might be able to manage that one.” Scott starts brushing her hair so gently, the look of concentration on his face the one she knows from practice when he’s working extra hard.

Tessa rests her chin on her hands, fairly certain that the look on her face is much more smitten than is normal for anyone who’s been in relationship for three years and not really caring. She should take a photo and send it to that woman who wrote a column in the _Toronto Sun_ about how Skate Canada and CBC shouldn’t be promoting teenage sex and the people who engage in such nefarious actions. This right here is the image of family values.

“Do you still have the scrunchie, Tess?”

“Oh yeah, sorry.” She hands it to him and he manages to put up Katie’s hair on the second try.

Tessa gets down off the chair and sits on the floor beside them. Katie reaches out her arms and Tessa holds her close. “Hugs from you are my favourite.” She kisses her three times, once on the forehead and then once on each cheek, before saying, “Will you show Daddy how swishy your skirt is? Will you do a spin for us?”

She sets Katie up on her feet and watches as she twirls slowly at first, seemingly having forgotten how fun this dress was the first time she wore it. Her little girl gasps as the red material flutes out as she circles around, and giggles as it moves faster and faster the more she turns.

“Not too fast, honey,” Tessa cautions, but it’s a little late because Katie falls over onto the carpet, laughs, and then gets up and starts again.

“You’ve created a monster,” Scott intones seriously. “She’s never going to stop.”

They hear a soft knock and Tessa calls for whoever it is to come on in, and smiles when her mom enters the room.

“Do you have a hug for Nana?” she asks, putting her arms out wide.

Katie runs over and is scooped up into her arms. “I love your hair, did Mommy do that?”

“Dada do.” Katie points at Scott who is quickly wrapped into a side hug the second he gets close enough.

“He did such a good job, he’ll have to do my hair next!” Tessa fully believes her mom would let Scott loose on her hair if that’s what Katie wanted.

Her mom hands Katie over to Scott. “Grandpa Jim is in the kitchen looking at your mommy and daddy’s new medals, will you go out and say hi to him?”

They leave and Tessa is wrapped up into a huge hug. “You saw me two days ago, Mom!”

“And I hadn’t seen you for over a week before that!” Tessa feels a little guilty, she’d spent most of that time missing Katie rather than anyone else.

“Did Nana come too?”

Her mom strokes her cheek. “She was too tired. I think small groups are easier for her now, maybe the three of you could go visit later in the week? I know how much she’d love that.”

“Yeah, of course.” She’d only been able to manage an hour at Katie’s birthday party last month, appearing so frail all of a sudden.

Tessa lets her mom keep her arm around her as they walk to the kitchen even if it does make getting through doorways more complicated than it should be.

Katie is ‘helping’ Alma and Carol decorate some cupcakes while Scott is talking with Cara and Sheri. Her dad is standing to the side with the silver medals in his hands.

He hugs her when she goes over to him and it’s a little awkward, but he’s here. “Congratulations, Tessa. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks.” She never knows what to say to him anymore. “Did you see Katie already?”

“She’s getting so big! She changes each time I see her.”

Tessa could say that he might be able to track these changes better if he saw her more regularly, but what’s the point?

She’s saved from having to make more small talk by Danny’s entrance which involves a booming “Where’s my favourite girl?”

Katie rushes over to him and he throws her up into the air.

“How does your girlfriend of the week feel about that?” Cara asks.

“All the ladies in my life know that Katie is my number one. And Mom my number two,” he adds hurriedly. “You round off the top three, Big Hands.”

“Thanks? I think?”

Katie pulls at his sweater. “Dress! Dress!”

“She wants to show you how it moves when she spins,” Tessa clarifies. Danny is about to put her down when she says quickly, “Maybe take her into the living room so that it’s carpeted if she falls. And don’t let her get too close to the coffee table!”

“Aye, aye, captain,” he answers, complete with salute.

“I think we should all go into the living room,” Alma declares. “The lasagne should be ready by the time we’re finished watching, and some people need to save their appetites.” She swats Scott’s hand away from the tray of Rice Krispie treats.

There isn’t enough room for them all to have a seat, even with Danny and Katie sitting on the floor, so Scott pulls Tessa onto his lap and immediately starts playing with her ponytail.

“You’re my number one,” he whispers into her ear. “Well, you and Katie.”

“Good. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Cara elbows them. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Scott swivels his head towards his cousin.

“Get all… you two. This is a family gathering.”

Tessa is about to protest but Sheri shakes her head to tell her not to waste her time.

“Danny, you’re sure you recorded it properly?” Alma asks.

“Yes, I even got a new tape. You’re lucky the convenience store is the last place in Canada to sell cassettes.”

The video begins with the warm-up for the final group in the free dance. “Did you record the whole thing?” Scott asks.

“We need to see The Interview.” Her mom does a surprisingly decent Marina impression.

The interview itself had been mostly painless, Tracy had known about everything for at least eighteen months, the questions were ones they had prepared, and they knew her so well that it felt more like a chat than a sit-down with CBC. It was a relief to have it out in the open now, even with the articles that wanted to focus on the teen pregnancy aspect rather than them winning Worlds medals (Tessa sometimes checks on the medals, just to make sure it’s still real). Some of them make it sound so scandalous, and it’s just not. They’re two people who love each other and had a baby, and, yeah, the timing wasn’t exactly optimal, but it is what it is. Tessa thinks having kept it quiet for any longer would have made it feel like they were hiding something. Everyone in skating knows by now anyway, and rumours had started on some of the boards last year (her mom has a conspiracy theory that this was around the same time the moms of certain American training mates of theirs found out the news). It’s funny, but the whispers in changing rooms bother Tessa less than all the people who assume she’s Katie’s babysitter.

The images on the tv switch from the warm-up to footage of her and Scott walking into Arctic Edge and Katie stops moving about and looks from the screen to them and back. “Mama? Dada?” She sounds like she’s just about to start crying.

“We’re right here, baby, it’s okay.” Tessa puts her arms out and Katie runs over and burrows into her top the second she gets close enough. “That’s a video of Mommy and Daddy, but we’re here with you.” She rubs her back and Scott kisses the top of her head.

Tessa tries to ask her mom if this has happened before when Katie watched them skate on tv but her mom just shakes her head. Tessa doesn’t miss the glance she sends to Alma though.

The first few questions are just about their season to that point, winning their first Grand Prix, making it to the Grand Prix Final, winning Four Continents. It’s weird for Tessa to watch herself and Scott being interviewed, so it must be beyond confusing for Katie, who’s still clinging onto her but has now raised her head a little so that she can watch Scott make faces.

Tracy had asked her first question about Katie as if it was already public knowledge that they were parents and this interview wasn’t a de facto announcement. It was a quite neat transition about how along with adjusting to skating senior the past two years they had to adapt to raising a child too. It’s only when she’s watching now that Tessa notices that she’d taken Scott’s hand in hers when he started speaking.

“It was really difficult at first, still is sometimes, but I think the hardest thing to balance at the start was feeling guilty about being away from her when we were at the rink, and then feeling bad about not having worked as hard as we could have when we were at home. So we had to focus on being truly present, both as athletes at the rink, and parents at home. Everyone has been so supportive – our coaches, and everyone at Skate Canada, but especially our families. We wouldn’t be able to do this without them.”

She can kind of understand people saying they communicate so well without words when she sees the way he looked at her then, encouraging her to continue for them both. “The most difficult part now is definitely going away for international competitions. With ones in Canada we can bring her along and see her when we’re not practising or competing. She’s still a bit too young to go to events - they’re so loud and can get long and cold and…” She’s surprised they didn’t edit this out, she’s just rambling about all the things that worry her about Katie attending competitions. “But with international events it wouldn’t be fair to take her on a long flight, especially for such a short space of time when we wouldn’t be able to be with her that much. Leaving her the first time was definitely the worst, but,” she finds herself tearing up now at the exact same spot she did then, “I don’t think it’s really gotten all that easier.”

Tessa doesn’t think she’ll ever forget that drive to the airport on their way to France when she’d cried so much that Scott had pulled over the car and asked her if she wanted to turn around and go home.

On the screen Scott puts his arm around her. “We’re trying to use that to motivate us – every time we’re away from her, even just for practice, we want to have gotten better or learned something, so that we have something to show for it, that it’s been worthwhile. I honestly think it’s made us more determined to do our best, to work as hard as we can.”

Tracy asks a question about their future goals and screen-Scott pauses before saying, “Worlds is the big one for right now, but in the long-term… You know, we missed out on a chance at competing for an Olympic spot last time because our daughter was born at the end of February 2006 so obviously Tess was, uh, out of commission for most of that season. We really want to be competing in Vancouver in two years’ time, and for Katie to be there too, so that she can see what we’ve been doing, and what we can achieve, to show her that she can do whatever she wants in life if she believes and works hard. We’re doing it for ourselves, and we’re representing Canada and our community, but I think a lot of is for her. We want her to be proud of us.”

Towards the end of Scott’s little speech, the video cuts from them talking to Tracy (probably for the best seeing as Tessa had been openly crying at that point, in a similar way to her mom and Alma watching right now) to footage of them playing with Katie on the ice. Scott lifting her up high in the air as he skates along, and then what the director had called ‘mom and baby time’ - a close-up of Tessa spinning with Katie tightly held in her arms. She thinks they’ve never looked more like themselves on camera. The idea of involving Katie in the filming hadn’t sat well with her at first, their baby was too young to have an opinion on whether she wanted to be on camera or not, and she didn’t want to use her to try and entice people to support them. In the end Katie was so wrapped up that it would be nearly impossible for anyone who didn’t know her well to identify her, and not featuring her at all seemed stranger than sharing that tiny fragment of their lives.

“She will be,” Alma sobs. “Proud of you, I mean. Who couldn’t be?”

Tessa doesn’t want to cry because she thinks the concept of happy tears is a little beyond Katie’s comprehension right now.

Danny coughs. “This is a party, Mom. No waterworks, please? And can we fast-forward? I’m going to get nervous waiting for them to skate all over again.”

He does just that, stopping when they appear on their own on the ice. Tracy’s voice sounds so fond when she introduces their programme, “Fittingly, Tessa and Scott are going to portray a love story on the ice.”

All of a sudden Katie throws her arms out wide. “This much!” she shouts.

“Are you talking about _Guess How Much I Love You?_ That’s one of my favourite stories…” Tessa smiles. “Love story.” Scott likes to think that Katie is a genius, and sometimes she wonders if he’s not too far off the mark.

“Read?” Katie asks.

“Right now?” She realises the question is redundant before Katie even has time to nod. She stands up, fixing her skirt. The video can be watched another time, and Tessa wants to hold onto that feeling that was just hers and Scott’s, and not have it affected by watching the skate and seeing how everyone else reacts.

“Dada too.” Katie reaches out her hands over her shoulder.

Scott’s already getting up anyway. “Of course. You need the voice of Big Nutbrown Hare.”

Tessa grabs the book when she gets into Katie’s room and they all pile onto the armchair in the corner. She isn’t surprised in the least when Katie demands “Again! Again!” the moment the story ends, but she had hoped it wouldn’t be one of the times when the book needs to be repeated at least five times in a row (it is). Scott tries to tempt her with _We’re Going On A Bear Hunt_ , but it’s no use.

They’re stuck in to the sixth rendition when Alma comes in. “Dinner is ready. And after dinner there will be chocolate cake. Is there anyone here who likes chocolate cake?”

Katie looks up from the book at the mention of cake, and then scrambles off Tessa’s lap and hurries over to her grandma who picks her up and heads back to the kitchen.

“She is so your kid,” Scott laughs into her shoulder.

“She just has great taste.” Tessa starts to get up but he tugs her to him again.

“I love you to the moon and back,” he whispers.

She turns, expecting him to be joking, but his face is seriousness itself. She put her palm to his cheek. “I love _you_ to the moon and back.”

“The interview was good, don’t you think?”

“You did such an amazing job.” He finds those parts of this unusual life of theirs so much easier than she does, or at least it seems that way to her.

“Anyone who watched that is going to know what a great mom you are.” She’s not sure about either of those things – that she’s a great mom, or that people watching will decide that from just her talking about her daughter, but Scott believes it.

“I’m just lucky I get to parent along with the best dad I know.” Of this she’s sure.

He kisses her, and it’s so soft and gentle until the very last second when he runs his teeth lightly over her bottom lip.

“This party is for us,” she reminds him. “We can’t just hide out here.”

“I think you’ll find that us sneaking off to make out has been a permanent fixture at every family party we’ve been at for the past three years.”

This is an inarguable point, and Tessa would hate to break a tradition.

She’s not sure how much time elapses before she hears little feet making their way down the hall and calls of “Mama? Dada?” She places one last kiss to Scott’s lips and pulls him up with her.

Katie arrives at the door and Tessa beams at her. “Do you have something to tell us?”

She frowns for a minute, thinking, and then says, “Dinner!”

Scott takes large, exaggerated steps over to her and scoops her into his arms. “I have my dinner right here. I’m going to eat you up.” He mimes gobbling her up and Katie erupts in laughter. “Unless your mama is going to rescue you?”

“Yes, I will! You’re not going to eat up my Katie!” She takes her girl into her arms and covers her face in kisses, Katie continuing to laugh and laugh. Scott puts his arms around them both and Tessa feels this pure bolt of joy, here with her two favourite people.

They hear a click and turn to see her mom with her new camera. “It’s lovely,” she grins. “Now, come and join the party.”

(The photo is indeed lovely, and Tessa posts it on Instagram ten years later alongside one of the three of them the first time she and Scott had seen Katie after finally winning that individual Olympic gold in PyeongChang. Katie is glued in between them in that one too, with her head tucked into Tessa’s shoulder, but they’re all crying rather than laughing. The caption she chooses is simple: Dreams).


	7. PyeongChang 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: AU AU Katie in the stands at PyeongChang

**_February 2018_ **

Katie is so nervous and excited that she doesn’t know how she’s going to fall asleep, or even how she’s going to stop moving. She’s pretty sure her nana decided to take a bath because her pacing up and down the hotel room they’re sharing with Jordan was putting her on edge. Katie can’t help it though, she feels like her insides are all sugar and fizz, like that time Danny and Charlie had taken her to the movies and bought all the candy she’d wanted and the largest size of Coke.

Her parents had _killed_ the short dance and now they were in first place heading into the free tomorrow. They had seemed much calmer about it all than she was when they were talking on FaceTime earlier. Her dad had said something about how everything was going to be fine because no matter what happened he’d still get to hug his two favourite people afterwards. That was cute and all, but Katie really wanted them to win. They had worked so hard, they were clearly the best, and they should have won the last Olympics too (she thinks they agree with her on that one, even if they haven’t said it in as many words).

“Katie? Can you close the clasp of this necklace please?” Jordan asks.

It’s a small one, and it takes two tries to get it. Jordan is going out with the Moirs while her nana is staying here with her.

Katie sits down on the bed. “Nana can go with you if she wants. I’ll be fine here on my own, it’s not like anyone can get in without a key-card and I’m not going to open the door to strangers.” She feels kind of bad that her nana has to stay with her while everyone else goes out.

Jordan snorts, and then turns around on the vanity stool. “Oh sure, and then if something happened to you your parents would murder us, and then we’d be dead, and they’d be in prison, and the entire nation of Canada would hate us for ruining their chance of winning gold. I think not.”

“You’re being a little dramatic.”

“Oh, am I?” She raises her eyebrows. “Did I ever tell you about the first time I babysat for you alone?”

Katie shakes her head, and gets comfortable on the bed, crossing her legs beneath her. Jordan is a good storyteller, especially when it comes to old stories about her mom.

“So, it was your first Christmas and you were all just back from Canton for the holidays. I don’t really remember what Mom and Alma and Joe were doing, but clearly they were busy because Tessa had to ask me to look after you while they went shopping for Sa… f- for presents.”

“I know Santa isn’t real, Auntie Jo.” Adults really underestimated the intelligence of kids.

“Oh, thank God. I don’t know what kind of trouble I’d be in for ruining that. Anyway, Tess was being so uptight about leaving you with me that I said she could just take you with them because it wasn’t like you were going to know what the presents were for. She got super annoyed about how I was trying to spoil your Christmas surprise,” Jordan’s stories often involve air quotes, “but she finally left you with me with a page of instructions and apple slices that she had cut up for you because apparently I couldn’t be trusted to get it right.”

Katie giggles. “Are you still annoyed about all this?”

“People had paid me to watch their children! I knew what I was doing! And you and I were great buddies. Everything went great for the first forty minutes or so, you walked around the living room holding onto the furniture or speed-crawled about. You were a very fast crawler, and back then I though it was Tessa and Scott exaggerating because everything you did was the most amazing thing ever done by a human being, but Casey and Kevin’s kids are actually very slow compared to you. After a while I think you realised that your mom and dad weren’t coming back through the door as soon as you thought so you started getting fractious. The apple slices helped for a little bit, and then I referenced my handy sheet of instructions and started singing songs while dancing with your pink elephant, whose name was Mike? Which is a very manly name for a pink elephant.”

“After Mike Slipchuk, he gave it to me when I was a baby.” They had talked about it after the team event, she still has him on her shelf of old toys back in Montréal. She thought she should maybe put them away somewhere because they looked kind of babyish, but she likes having them around, like old friends.

“Oh right! Well, Mike helped out for a little bit, but you got tired of him. I tried hugging you but that didn’t seem to help, you kept looking at me really suspiciously like I was trying to trick you into thinking I was your mom because I looked similar but you were not going to be taken in by the dollar store version.”

“You’re not the dollar store version of Mom!”

“Oh, definitely not, but baby you thought so for sure. You kept turning your nose up and then wriggling out of my arms and going around the house looking for them. We were back in the living room and you were playing with your toys when the doorbell finally rang and…” She grimaces, “Well, this wasn’t the best decision I’ve ever made, but I left you in the living room because you were just going to be upset if I lifted you up. I knew it was your parents because Tessa had told me she’d forgotten her key so I ran out to let them in. They were like ‘where’s Katie?’ the minute I opened the door, and I told them the living room because you’d been lying on a mat when I left and you couldn’t have got that far… Except when we went back in you were nowhere to be seen.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes. So I’m freaking out, and obviously your mom and dad are freaking out, and we went rushing into the kitchen, and thank God you were there because I think if we’d had to search any longer your mom would already have killed me. You were pushing at the cat flap on the door until you heard Scott say your name and then you zoomed over to them even faster than usual. And I thought everything would be okay then because you were clearly fine, but that was not the case.”

Jordan starts to mime the next events. “Your dad was holding you and your mom was cleaning your hands and your face with baby wipes, all the while plotting my death out loud but doing it in that voice people use around babies, probably because if she shouted you’d get scared. She was all ‘My baby could have died, Jordan! She could have crawled out into the snow and frozen to death!’” Katie can’t imagine that her mom ever sounded as sickeningly sweet as Jordan is making out. “And in between saying all this stuff she’d be kissing you and telling you how much she loved you, and then say, ‘If anything had happened to her I would have killed you very slowly and very painfully.’ She gave a few examples of how she’d do this, but I’ve blocked them from my memory. You were just laughing through all of this because you were so happy that your favourite people were back.”

She looks like she still feels a bit betrayed by this so Katie apologises.

“It’s okay, at least you were still smiling at me. Your dad had his head bent over yours and I thought he might be a bit embarrassed about how over the top your mom was getting, but when I asked him what he was thinking he just lifted his head and _glowered_ at me. It was about ten times scarier than the death threats Tess was making.” She sighs, “They left soon after that and I didn’t babysit you alone again for two more years.”

“And rightly so!” Katie’s nana comes to sit beside her on the bed from the little hallway to the bathroom where she must have been listening. She wraps her arms around her. “Anything could have happened to our precious girl.”

“It was an accident! She was playing with her toys!” Jordan lowers her voice a little. “And I thought the door to the kitchen was closed.”

“Your mom was a little off with her for the whole holiday,” her nana confides.

“I was so glad she was living in Ilderton, I would not have survived if we’d been in the same house,” Jordan shakes her head emphatically.

“How did that story come up in the first place?”

Jordan laughs. “Katie suggested we leave her here alone and that you come with me.”

Her nana actually starts shaking she’s laughing so hard. “Tessa would sense it and leave the Village to come stay here.”

“She totally would.” Jordan shrugs, “Sorry, Katie, you’re stuck with at least one of us at all times. Maybe when you’re like thirty you can stay some place on your own.”

“We’ll go to college with you, too,” her nana nods.

They’re being a bit unfair to her mom, Katie sometimes complains about her being overprotective, but it’s not in a weird, keeping her locked in her room way.

“I feel like we’d really fit in at the clubs with you. The club scene probably needs a Jordan Virtue comeback.”

“Nana, stop!!” Katie covers her eyes because she’s started to do something that could maybe be described as disco dancing, if the person watching was feeling really generous.

“Well, we all know where Tess _didn’t_ get her dance ability from.” Jordan’s phone starts vibrating. “I had better be going.” She pulls Katie up and into her arms. “Get some sleep, okay? Tomorrow is going to go great, they’ve put in the work, they’re ready for this. And as long as we manage not to lose you I think they’ll still be happy no matter where they end up.”

“I won’t crawl away on you tomorrow,” Katie promises.

“That’s my girl.” Jordan squeezes her tighter. “I won’t be too late, but I’ll come in quietly so I don’t wake you up.”

Her nana starts drying her hair once Jordan leaves, and Katie tries to concentrate on reading ( _Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone_ again because she feels like something familiar) but she keeps getting distracted.

“Katie?” Her nana is looking at her in the mirror. “Is the noise making it hard to concentrate?”

She shakes her head.

Her nana feels her hair. “I’ll be done in two minutes, okay? Do you want to start making the hot chocolate?”

They have to make it with water, so it’s not as good as at home, but it’s still hot chocolate. She boils the kettle while her nana finishes fixing her hair.

After they’ve been sitting on the big double bed sipping their drinks for a little while her nana asks, “How are you feeling about tomorrow?”

“Excited.” Her nana waits for more. “But nervous too. I know they won the team gold, but…this is the one they’ve always wanted.” The one they didn’t get on the last two tries. “And even if they skate their best, they still mightn’t get what they deserve.” It’s so unfair.

“They’re leading after the short dance, so that’s a good start.” Her nana puts her arm around her. “And they’ve always been very good at making tasks that might seem impossible to other people work out.”

She’s doing the thing Katie’s mom does, when she waits for her to tell her what’s on her mind. It’s like somehow she always knows.

“Do you ever think that they might have won the Olympics sooner if…” She doesn’t know how to say it out loud, “if they hadn’t been parents?”

“Oh darling, no.” Katie is now being squeezed so tight that’s it’s almost hard to breathe. “I don’t think I could even begin to wonder about how things might have been different without you around. It’s impossible. Maybe they would have, or maybe they would never have made it there. We can’t know.”

“Were they sad after Sochi?” She’s not sure, but she remembers the house in Canton being quieter after they got back. It’s not like she remembers them being unhappy, it’s more that they weren’t as happy as usual.

“I think that’s something you’d need to ask them, but I know they were disappointed. The year leading up to it had been difficult, what with them feeling Marina wasn’t working as hard for them as she could.” Katie had always said they should have gone to train with Igor. “But that’s not the case this time, right?”

She thinks about that for a little bit. “No, not at all.” It’s been a hard year in terms of all the hours of training they’ve put in on and off the ice, but Marie-France and Patch have been there for them all the way. They feel more like an extra aunt and uncle than her parents’ coaches, and Billie-Rose is definitely like another cousin who never leaves her alone when they’re together. It’s sweet, but it can get annoying, though she tries to remember that the little girl just wants to her friend.

“It seems to me that they’ve been happier with their team and their skating in the past two years than they’ve ever been before. And that makes me think that as long as they skate their best they’re going to be satisfied with what they’ve achieved.”

This makes sense to Katie. “I’m just so nervous. At least they can do something? I know it’s silly, but I think it’s worse for us.”

“I don’t think it’s silly. That’s how I’ve been feeling for twenty years now.”

After some very familiar stories about her mom and dad’s first competitions together Katie doesn’t finds falling asleep to not be so hard after all.

The nerves are back the next morning and when she, Jordan, and her nana are sitting down for breakfast with the Moir side of her family she can tell they’re all feeling the same way. Danny and Charlie seem calm at first, but when they try to distract her by asking her opinion on what presents they should bring home for her little cousins, and then get into a weirdly heated debate about whether Soohorang is a cuter mascot than Bandabi, she knows they’re just as edgy as everyone else.

Her nana and grandma both get kind of teary as they walk into the arena, and that’s almost worse than the nerves. Her parents have skated competitively for basically her whole life, and even in the time when they weren’t competing she thinks she always knew they were going to return. All of their lives are going to be different after this free dance no matter what happens.

Katie does her best to concentrate when the other skaters are performing, but it’s like every programme is just a countdown to the one she’s been waiting for, the final one of both the competition and her parents’ career (they’d told her before Nationals that this was going to be the end, that they were ready to move on).

It’s easier to focus when she knows the team competing, and is rooting for them too, like Kaitlyn and Andrew who’ve been friends with her parents since forever (Kaitlyn is a really great hair-braider). She feels so badly for Madison and Evan when they mess up their spin, and for Igor as well. Jordan teases her when the Shibutanis skate out because _apparently_ she’d once told her mom and dad that she was going to marry Alex one day. She thinks that story stopped being funny like seven years ago. He’s still super nice, and cute too she guesses, but she doesn’t have a crush on him anymore (and never did, because what would a four year old know about crushes?!) She knows they’re going to medal the second their programme music ends, and it’s like a little hum of electricity in her veins, an appetiser for the main event.

Gabriella and Guillaume skate the way they usually do, and get scored the way they usually do (which seems to be a different standard to the one everyone else must follow). She doesn’t actually want them to mess up, but she can’t say she’d be upset if they had. They’ve always been a bit stand-offish with her, but her mom says they’re just not used to kids her age. She guesses Gabriella had maybe been trying to be friendly with her the first time they met when she’d said something about she was closer to Katie’s age than her mom’s, but it had been a bit weird (and Katie didn’t need to be great at math to know it wasn’t true either).

She’s so nervous after their monster score that she can’t really pay attention to Madi and Zach, and his mistake doesn’t really register with her until the music stops and she sees how sad they look. Katie doesn’t think she could bear to keep watching if her mom or dad were to have a slip-up. Her nana is on one side of her, and her grandma on the other, and she briefly thinks as her parents skate out onto the ice that she’s sure to be leaving marks on their hands with how tightly she’s gripping onto them. She keeps holding on as the music begins, through the stationary lift and into the twizzles, and then when they go so perfectly and the crowd cheers them louder and louder it’s like a weight is lifted. They’ve never skated quite like this before, up to the limit of what they can achieve but yet with no fear of pushing too hard. It’s magical.

People ask her all the time if it’s weird to watch her parents skate, but it seems to Katie that they’re not really her parents when they’re out there like this on the ice. They are, obviously, but it’s like they’re Tessa and Scott the ice dancers, not Mom and Dad. Tessa and Scott do crazy lifts that cause weird articles to be written about them, Mom and Dad ask her teachers for all the schoolwork she’s going to miss while in South Korea. Tessa and Scott tell stories on the ice, Mom and Dad used to read her bedtime stories on the phone from thousands of miles away. Tessa plays Satine, a dying courtesan, Mom stays up with her when she’s sick so that she never has to feel miserable alone. Scott plays Christian, a struggling writer, Dad always knows the right thing to say to make her feel better. They’re playing characters, not themselves. But even through the characters sometimes the real them seeps through, like when her dad tells her mom he’ll love her until the end of time.

Time speeds by and all of a sudden it’s over and her family rise as one from their seats, along with what seems like the entire audience. Everyone is hugging and jumping and screaming and sobbing and Katie feels like all the energy in the arena is pulsing through her body. It’s almost unreal, and more than a little overwhelming, but then her mom’s eyes find hers from down on the ice and everything feels just right. Her mom tugs her dad’s hand and points up and then he blows her a kiss while her mom holds her hand over her heart. For a few seconds it’s just the three of them.

As everyone waits for the score to be announced Katie realises that she now understands why her parents might still be satisfied with silver, even when they so clearly deserve gold. They’re the ones who’ve created an indelible moment, who electrified this entire building. And nothing, or no one, can take that away.

In the end though, it’s more than just a moment, it’s a victory. Katie knows the minimum score they need to win because her nana has been furiously typing numbers into her phone so when she hears 122.40 she jumps up. She can’t see how her parents react because her grandmothers are hugging her, and she can’t hear anything other than Jordan screaming.

The flower ceremony (or stuffed toy ceremony) goes by in a blur, and then it’s time for the anthem. When she was little Katie used to play a game called medal ceremony which basically just consisted of her singing _O Canada_ at the top of her lungs, but she has never sung it with more feeling than in this moment.

As the arena starts to empty both her grandmothers get a text from Marie-France saying that her parents have to go to drug testing but that they can meet her right after. The wait at the side of one of the stands feels like forever, until they’re coming around the corner and she runs straight to them, her nana and grandma waiting behind.

They both wrap an arm around her and hug her so tight, and no one says anything until she breathes out, “You did it!”

Her dad lifts her up and twirls her around, laughing, “We really did.”

Once she’s back down on solid ground her mom pulls her in and holds her close. “I missed you.”

“You too,” Katie says automatically. “Even if it was only two days.” She had spent an hour with them the day before the short dance, and they’ve been apart for much longer than that. “And you were pretty busy, you know, winning the Olympics.”

Her mom laughs, “I don’t know if I quite believe it yet.”

“You were… amazing. The best you ever skated.” She doesn’t know what to say, and it’s like something is stuck in her throat. “You worked so hard for so long and now…”

“And it was all worth it when I looked up and saw you.” Her mom kisses her forehead, and then her two cheeks, the little ritual they’ve had for as long as Katie can remember, and then leaves her forehead resting on hers. “Even if we hadn’t won it would have worth all that work and all that time to see you so happy.”

“ _Mommy_ ,” the old form of the name just slips out. She’s not sure whether it’s her mom’s tears or her own that she’s feeling on her cheeks. “I’m so proud of you.”

Her dad hugs them both so that she’s nestled in between her parents, the safest place in the world. “That’s all we could ever ask for.” His voice is cracking, and she thinks they’re all crying now.

Tears of joy though, not sadness. “I don’t know if I’ve ever been this happy.”

“I have been,” her mom says, “the day you were born, the day we got to take you home from the hospital, when…”

“When Babsy started coaching the Leafs…”

“You rank that over our wedding day?” her mom shoots back, teasing.

“I guess I might have been pretty happy that day too.”

They’re definitely kissing over her head. “Nana and Grandma are waiting over there, don’t you want to see them?”

“Of course, but I want to hold you for just a little longer first,” her mom replies.

Katie closes her eyes. Things have already gotten a little crazy after the team event so she doesn’t know what type of attention is waiting for her parents now. She’s going to make the most of this moment when she has them to herself, the three of them together in their own little world.


	8. nothing I would change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> falsettodrop (after encouragement from peacefulboo) challenged us to flash-write something positive, and this was the place I knew I could do that quickly. Thank you to awakeanddreaming for pointing me in the perfect direction.

**_May 2021_ **

Katie is lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to fix the mess that her braid has become, when she realises that she’s gay. Well, not realises, it’s something she’s been wondering about for a while now, but _knows_. She knows it like she knows she’s good at English, and bad at Math, and that she has her dad’s eyes and her mom’s hair. It’s just another part of her. She had thought that if she let herself think it, let herself say it, that the world would shift, but it’s more like it settles. Everything seems a little clearer all of a sudden – the way she feels, the way she’s always felt.

It had been Jenny she’d been thinking about of course. She thinks about her all the time – how wonderful she is, how pretty, how smart, how funny, how good her hair smells and how she really, really would like to kiss her. But should she be thinking about that? She doesn’t know how Jenny feels. Jenny has only ever mentioned liking boys. Should Katie tell her? Admit how she’s feeling? Would that change everything? Would their friendship be ruined?

She’s not quite so calm anymore. Her mom always tells her to focus on breathing out if she gets overwhelmed, and that’s what she does, before deciding she wants her mom and dad. They always have the best advice, even if sometimes she doesn’t want to listen at first, and they’re basically the experts on wanting to kiss your best friend and worrying it might not work out. Come to think of it, they’ve been bringing up those stories a lot lately. She had thought they might be dropping hints about Liam next door, but they’ve also been very careful about saying stuff like ‘if you were to have a girlfriend or boyfriend’, and the sex talk they’d given her after her birthday had been thorough on all counts. Is it still coming out if they already know?

Katie pauses at the door to the living room and watches her parents and baby brother. Her dad is lifting Daniel up in the air, making aeroplane noises while the baby laughs. He’s started doing that more and more recently, and it’s now one of Katie’s favourite sounds. Her mom is sitting with her back to the couch, watching them and laughing too.

“You’re getting so big, Dan,” her dad coos. “This is the best work-out I’ve gotten in a long time.”

“Oh, _please_. You’re out on the ice all the time. Not like me.” Her mom looks down. “I lost weight so much faster last time.”

“Tess.” Her dad turns from looking at the baby to looking up at her mom. “You’re healthy, and you’re strong, and you’re beautiful.” He puts Daniel down on the mat and sits up beside her mom. “And I think you…” He’s leaning in to whisper something and Katie thinks she should probably announce her presence.

“Hi Mom! Hi Dad!”

He actually slides away like some teenage boy who’s been caught making a move. Her mom pats the space beside her that he’s vacated. “Hi honey. Did you get those problems finished okay?”

Katie nods. She’s not sure how she’s meant to do this. She knows her parents are going to be fine with it, they’ve told her that, and shown her that. But still. It might be different when it’s real.

Daniel holds out his arms to her and she kneels down and presses kisses to his forehead and then his two cheeks. She scoops him up before settling in between her parents. He puts his little arms around her neck and it makes her feel so warm. This is his newest thing, though there seems to be another almost every day. It’s like he’s learning how to hug, and even though she knows it’s silly, she can’t help but imagine that maybe somehow he knows she needs one.

“He loves you so much,” her mom says, rubbing Daniel’s back and then leaving her hand over Katie’s. With her other hand she smooths Katie’s hair and cups her face.

“Are you worried about something, darling?”

“Not worried. Just… I have something I want to tell you, and I’m kind of nervous?”

Her dad puts his hand on her arm. “You can tell us anything, Katie.”

“I know.” She kisses the side of Daniel’s head and says it quietly, and then louder in case they hadn’t heard. “I’m gay.”

They’d already been pretty close, but now they’re all around her, their arms enveloping her and the baby and both their heads on either side of hers, her mom kissing her and her dad murmuring about how much they love her. And it could be overpowering, but it just feels like love.

“Thank you for telling us that,” her mom says. “I love you,” oh no, she’s definitely trying not to cry, “I love you so much. And there is nothing in the world that could change that.”

Katie laughs even as she’s starting to cry. “Not even if I murdered someone?” She turns her head to look at her mom, who wipes the tears from her face.

“Well, if you murdered someone I’m sure you’d have a very good reason.” Her mom is laughing too.

“We’d help you hide the body,” her dad adds, and she moves to rest her head on his shoulder.

“Scott! No! We wouldn’t help you hide a body, we’d…” Her mom frowns. “Encourage you to take responsibility for your actions? I don’t know. I haven’t thought about that talk before.” Daniel starts lifting his arms out towards their mom and she takes him from Katie. “Your daddy is so silly! Isn’t that right? Isn’t that right?”

Katie wraps her arms around him. “He’s not so bad.”

He kisses the top of her head. “Thank you for that awesome praise.” She holds him tighter. “You’re our Katie, this is just another part of who you are.”

“How long did you know?” she asks.

“We didn’t _know_ ,” her mom answers. “We couldn’t know until you told us. But… we maybe wondered.”

“The way you talk about Jenny was kind of… familiar to us, I guess. You said something one day about how her laugh made you want be keep making her laugh forever, and it made me think about me back before I figured out just in what way I liked your mom.”

“But maybe you like Jenny as just a friend,” her mom interjects.

“Of course,” her dad continues. “Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you like girls. I mean… that specific girl. You definitely like girls.”

“I like Jenny,” Katie says firmly. “That’s how I figured it out properly.”

“The liking Jenny part we were actually pretty sure about,” her mom admits. “We just don’t want to put words in your mouth.”

Katie smiles into her dad’s chest. “Were there other thing that made you wonder?”

“Weeellll, after you put up that Gal Gadot poster in your room and talked about her like I used to talk about Joshua Jackson and your dad talked about J Lo…”

“And you listen to all that music Sarah’s daughter makes. Hallie? Hayley?”

“Hayley Kiyoko,” her mom explains. “Her mom is a figure skating choreographer, she was inducted into the Skate Canada Hall of Fame at the last Nationals we competed at.”

Katie knows this. She thinks that this part was maybe a bit of a reach though. The Jenny bit makes the most sense.

“Do I have to tell her right away? Jenny, I mean?”

“You don’t have to tell anyone unless you’re ready and you want to.” Her mom’s voice is so reassuring.

“Is that fair? If I like her like that and don’t tell her?”

“I liked your mom like that for a long time and didn’t tell her. And she did the same thing with me. I’m not saying that Jenny likes you back, we can’t know that, but… as long as you’re her friend, and you treat her with the care and respect you always have, then I don’t think there’s anything wrong in waiting to tell her.”

“It’s scary, letting someone know how you feel about them. And… coming out can be scary too. It’s okay to make sure you want to share both those things with someone.” Her mom puts her hand on Katie’s shoulder.

“It wasn’t scary telling you guys, not really.” She doesn’t want them to worry about that. “But… maybe I was worried that it might be weird for you.”

“In what way?” her dad asks gently.

“You two are… Canada’s sweethearts. Didn’t Marina used to say you were the perfect picture of a man and woman in love? And I… it won’t be like that for me.”

“You and whoever you love could still be Canada’s sweethearts,” her dad insists.

“Yeah, but… it won’t look the same as you and Mom.”

“Not in the obvious way maybe, but I hope that it will in the important ways. I could ask for nothing more for you than to have a relationship like the one I have with your dad.”

They’re holding hands on her shoulder now, which is cute, but also a bit much.

“Huh. No more talks about teenage pregnancy now,” her dad says.

“Thank God,” she breathes out. And no more talks about condoms.

“It is very awkward to strike a balance between making sure you know having you was the best thing to happen to us, and also getting across that…”

“You don’t want me to have a baby anytime soon?” Her dad nods. “You did a good job.” She knows it was difficult for them. She loves taking care of Daniel, but she can’t imagine being his mom. Her mom was only a year older than she is now when she got pregnant and had her, and that seems crazy. Katie doesn’t know how she did it, how they both did it.

“Oh,” her mom says. “Someone needs a nappy change.”

“I’ll do it,” her dad offers, letting go of her after kissing her on the forehead. “You had all the earlier ones.” He lifts Daniel up and mimes eating his stomach before carrying him out.

Her mom opens out her arms to her and she cuddles in. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too. We’re going to be here for whatever you need.”

“I know. I’m… I’m really glad I have parents like you.” She knows a lot of people aren’t as lucky.

“We’re very glad to have you as our daughter.” Her mom kisses her forehead, and then her cheeks, before laying her forehead on hers. “There is nothing about you I would change, Katie, nothing about who you are or how or when you came to be.”

Katie hugs her mom tighter. This is just one of the other important things she already knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. the progress on the next chapter of 'I loved you before I ever knew you' has been slow, but I'll get there.


End file.
